Thursday, April 26, 2007

This is a song about a superhero named Tony.....

Good evening.
I haven't posted for over a week. A very poor show indeed.
I've just been busy really, drinking lots at the weekend, then it was the London Marathon (which as it goes past the end of my road it's rude not to watch).
A bit of working from home, where I actually just tidied the falt. Mainly my bedroom. I was moving out a load of my ex's stuff. My flat is still full of it and it's not fair to any ladies I should ever bring back to have a bedroom that looks like it's still inhabited by another lass.
My spare room now has a corner full of her stuff (she went mental when she popped over tonight and saw it all there).
Jesus though, you should've seen the dust mice under me bed! More like dust hippos!
Anywhichway the room is a bit bare now but much nicer.
Then Wednesday I went up to Sheffield to do some work up there and went out for beers with The Smoke and a couple of others. We were joined by The Hammer who popped over from Leeds, excellent to see him again.
Anyway we had some tapas and got battered. You know when you're really drunk and you lie in bed and all you can taste is apples (despite not having either drunk cider or eaten apples) you know you've drunk a lot then.
Accordingly today was a write off worked till 1 then caught the train home (which bastard well broke down at Derby, so I had to wait for another for half an hour).
Well that's the dullness over with.
Will put something exciting later.
In the meantime here is a pic of me in the pool at the Beverley Wilshire Hotel in LA.


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

You've been searching for that someone and it's me out on the prowl

Ah! Wednesday afternoon. Working from home and the weather is lovely. The Bear is fast asleep on the bed, sunlight is slanting in through the open windows and Baris Manco's dulcet tones are reverberating around the flat. Perfect.
Just had a huge fry up too. What more do I need?

I always like to bring you my most amusing E-mails and here is another from Babyface (alway a guarantee of bizarre humour:

So anyway: I had a dream last night where my girlfriend was flying a sort of jet fighter plane and I was straddling the nose, facing forward and we were both smiling and laughing and flying around a bit. Then it got a bit dangerous and I got frightened that I might fall off. When I woke up I did a sex wee. What on earth was all that about?

Being a tin pot psychoanalyst I had to reply:

Dude that dream is evidently a manifestation of repressed homosexuality. The big plane fuselage between your legs representing the phallus societal indoctrinations have made taboo.
In this modern age air transport is often associated with sexual dreaming and is at its most common in dreams involving unresolved internal conflict.
The fact that your 'girlfriend' was behind you reinforces this in conjuction with the fear before orgasm, a demonstration of your fear at stepping into the new, previously forbidden, world of same sex climax.

I have had no reply since....

Right! I need a shower.

Labels:

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I've never felt darkness, the way I feel it tonight.

Well, it's Tuesday evening and I am perturbed by Englands performance in the cricket.
Anyway I am still smelling peachy thanks to the invigorating showergel I used this morning. LYNX VICE!
I was expecting to exit the shower smelling like this:

Or even this:

Disappointingly not. I just smell kind of clean.

Ah well, enough of getting you all excited thinking of old Spunky scrubbing his firm body in the shower! What happened today?

Well I am battling the evil forces of corporate fascism. I'd better not go into detail really but suffice it to say I am taking on Capitalist Corporation Inc to right a wrong.

Wish me luck.

Monday, April 16, 2007

I'm too sexy for my hand!!!???

Fucking hell!
Just when I think it can get no worse for our friends the honey bees!!!
AND it's partially my fault.
Apparently mobile phones upset their navigation systems and the don't make it back to the hive and they die of exposure. We're bastards!!!
I always knew they were evil (and not just because girlfriends can interrupt your philandering).
Ah the joy of being displaced. Took a 5 hour lunch today.
Remind me to tell you the story of needing a poo in a girls flat!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

What? the land of the free? Whoever told you that is your enemy!

Ah! Wednesday night.
I have just watched England make a meal of beating Bangladesh.
Very sad.
Also shared a couple of pizzas with Angry Drunk.
Weather is awesome right now, getting home in daylight AND it's warm!!
Being displaced also means I'm happy to leave work early.
What a day at work though. I had my first meeting regarding my 'displacement'. They would love to give me a lesser role. Sadly, as I pointed out to Barbie, employment laws prohibits them from forcing me to accept this.
They are very keen to avoid redunadancies.
The next 6 weeks will be interesting.
To say the least.
Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.
Motherfucker.

Monday, April 09, 2007

But i wasn't strong enough, to let you win.

The Roman Legion care aboot fat kids:



Take that you little foreign bastards!

Power to the chubsters!

This reminds me of when me and Pants used to live back home ooop north. There was a fat kid who used to wander round our neighbourhood.
Of course, him being volumetrically challenged we used to shout 'Fat Bastard' out the car window whenever we saw him.
[NB the Amazing World of Cheese in no way condones this behaviour and would like to point out that the write of this article has grown up into a civilised and gentle pillar of society.]
[He still thinks chubbies should stay indoors though]
We used to find this quite hilarious.
Until one day he stood up to us......................
After we had driven past and shouted the usual abuse, we looked back to see him red face and shouting 'fuck off' or somesuch at the top of his lungs!

We were gobsmacked! I mean. He's stood up to us!

What should we do?

...............

I hammered on the brakes. We both jumped out the car and chased him all the way home!

Cheeky fat bastard!

Right. I'm off to a barbeque at the Pants residence.

Oh! I forgot to say! The Dome was back from Hong Kong last week. And I touched his nutsack.
It was all velvety!