The Amazing World of Cheese

Ow ya

2011-05-18T20:07:00.002Z

Well! Only 5 days to go in my final placement and my report was top marks! Looks like I'm gonna end up teaching. Start real teaching in July at a catholic girl's school.

Ominous.

and hopefully mum out of hospital this week.

Just need summer back....

I'm gonna shit on your floor

2011-04-24T23:47:00.004Z

I have finished my 5,000 word assignment. Yeah ok it's not quite 5,000 words, but it's near enough.

Other news....there are whispers that The Can of Worms maybe reforming for reunion gig!

Don't get too excited.

Anyway! Some photos from the london marathon weekend.

I'm rather fond of a cheeky placard!

This dude near the Lyceum amused me even more.

And finally my starter, made on the Saturday. It was delicious!

Making sense of secondary science

2011-04-18T21:11:00.002Z

Ah the joy of assignments, I have 5,000 words to write and I have written about 1,500. I really do suck.
On a brighter note though, it appears summer is here and I have a bike! A present from the lovely Helen Bellini.
The problem is I took the wheel off and fucked it up.
Hmmmmm.
Will have to try and fix it tomorrow.

There is a yellow moon tonight!

Afternoon naps are where it's at

2011-04-13T11:59:00.003Z

I had an awesome night out last night with my good mates Phil the Greek (back from Brooklyn), Gav the egg and Ritchie Biscuit. Lots of good chat had down in Vauxhall and then at a cheeky (and very expensive) Italian where we just had a load of starters cos we wanted Spanish really. Luckily Philly could put most on his expenses.

Accordingly I am rather jaded today.

In interesting point of discussion:
Are lap dances cheating?
Well......I don't really understand lap dances as I see them as the equivalent of being shown nice food very close up and not being allowed to eat it. But I would hazard to say that if you are fingering the dancer in question then perhaps it is. All opinions welcome.

On an even more interesting note though. Sculptures of cheese:

http://mygalleryworld.blogspot.com/2009/12/20-amazing-cheese-sculptures.html

I was impressed! Althought the Eiffel Tower looks a bit phallic to me.

High yellow hair and worn brown suit

2011-04-12T16:24:00.002Z

It's Easter!!! And that means holidays!

Unfortunately as a student it also means a 5,000 word assignment.

Boo to that!

And one other thing! Why have non added sugar cordials suddenly taken such a big chunk of the supermarket shelf? This means I accidentally buy them and they taste like shite.

Biggest culprit - Robinsons! I mean what the fuck Robinsons. The whole point of cordials is that they are sweet and make your drink taste good. Not make them taste vaguely chemically and a bit like a shite wine gum.

Badly done.

The august musings of Leonard P Miskovitch

2011-03-05T19:04:00.002Z

Hmmmmm, Saturday night. Blown on for beers so I am gonna stay in and cook a thai red curry and watch shit on telly. Total Wipeout is quakity viewing, but this red nose day dance stuff is piss poor. Ade Edmundson should retire (or do a final series of the Young Ones) and who the fuck are Lee Nelson and Omlette?

Anyway. Life at present is busy. I am training to be a teacher and it's fucking hard. 3 months in a shitehole comp almost killed me and I'm now in an independent school. Totally different story!

Right cooking..,..,,

Ode to the fascinator

2010-03-21T14:36:00.003Z

Hello!

Remember me? Well.....I've been busily doing nothing for a whole year now.

Thought I'd bring another top Email from my mate Babyface to your attention though.

I am renowned for supporting Tony Hibbert amongst my footie mates (They all think he's shite) but after another of my measured and informative paeans to him by Email I got this:

You go too far Suds. For some reason I now have an image of you walking to the corner shop to buy some milk and bog roll in the pouring rain, having just got up (at 2.00pm), wearing your slippers and dressing gown, looking up at the sky and shouting at god to ask him to strike you down with a lightning bolt if Hibbo is a bad right back. Well, the big man has assured me that that is not how he rolls, but even so Suds I wouldn't do that kind of thing too often. Ain't you scared? Ain't you scared of dying?

Comedy Big Hand Girl

2009-02-01T02:44:00.001Z

I found this on Facebook ages ago.

Comments were very favourable.

Personally I think no one with hands this big should model.

Why is the rum gone?

2009-01-07T23:49:00.002Z

Well, I'm still working out my mid life crisis. See vid below.

Loads of exciting things going on in the life of Spunky.

My job no longer exists!

I've been to Iceland.

And Christmas is done and dusted (I got a doughnut maker!).

The Bear is dead

2008-10-15T18:27:00.003Z

I'm very sad to say my little furry friend passed away this week.

She had been living with my ex in Southampton for the last year (it was better for her cos she had a garden and a cat flap). Sadly she was run over and killed.

Even more sadly the neighbours who found her body put her in a plastic bag and left her in my ex's front garden. The bag and The Bear's remains had disappeared by the next day when my ex got home.

So I can't even bury her.

I can't remember being so upset.

So glad we made it MIAOWWWWW!!!!!

2008-10-08T17:41:00.004Z

Well! Your man Trunks has had a day working from home.

Sadly not as relaxing as it should have been as he had to work!

And now he must cook tacos!

But first! What a weekend! Ol' Spunky is having a mid life crisis, and what better way to deal with a mid life crisis than get the band back together. Well! That has happened and we had our first practice in a rehearsal room in Deptford. I won't say we sounded great cos it'd be a lie, but we sounded ok. Especially considering I'm singer and bassist.

Anyway it was great fun and we have a gig in January.

Wish us luck. We'll need it.

I'm not a perfect person

2008-09-30T21:22:00.003Z

Well! I'd always wondered what it was about.

And having been tapped up for money on Skype by a 'Ukrainian model' which she needed after an allegeded car incident, and my big money deal with a 'Ghanian Official' (who I took all the way to the point where I am supposed to send money, but asked him to send me some money first to ensure I could trust him.....he wasn't very happy) I have become fascinated by the nefarious world of getting cash out of people on t'internet.

I was confused today to come home after footie, a glorious win for the boys, an absolute pwning, to find someone called Kathy had added me on MSN. But I'm curious so I had to chat:

Kathy says (22:12):
Hi
Spunky Trunks says (22:12):
hello
Kathy says (22:13):
hey, Age/Sex/Location?
Spunky Trunks says (22:13):
Hello
Spunky Trunks says (22:13):
Where did you get me Email?
Spunky Trunks says (22:13):
I'm boyish but old bloke in London
Kathy says (22:13):
hey whats up babe, U got a webcam? finally someone adds me, I am soo fuckin horny today for some reason lol
Spunky Trunks says (22:14):
please tell me who you are
Spunky Trunks says (22:14):
i'm a wary fella
Kathy says (22:15):
listen hun, I am just about to start my webcam show with jen, come chat me there in my chat room? We can cyber, I will get naked if u do..lol!
Spunky Trunks says (22:16):
hahahaha
Spunky Trunks says (22:16):
who is Jen?
Kathy says (22:16):
I can show u how to watch if u promise not to tell anyone else how to do it???PLEASE
Spunky Trunks says (22:16):
Hmmmmm
Spunky Trunks says (22:17):
I think I'd be too worried ending up like Dirty Den
Spunky Trunks says (22:17):
Who and where are you?
Kathy says (22:18):
well since its the law that u gotta be 18 (nudity involved), u have to sign up with a credit card for age verification! BUT.. Once you are inside, just clikc on "Webcams" let me know what name you use to sign in with so I know it is you babe! http://www.theselocalgirls.com/janefun fill out the bottom of the page then fill out the next page as well and u can see me live!
Spunky Trunks says (22:18):
haha!
Spunky Trunks says (22:18):
so it costs me money!
Spunky Trunks says (22:18):
excellent
Spunky Trunks says (22:19):
I think I'll just have a glass of wine
Kathy says (22:19):
Please dont mention anything about that in the chatroom once u get in ok?
Spunky Trunks says (22:19):
I appreciate the offer though
Kathy says (22:20):
OH SHIT.. k I am late to start my show, I gotta get off msn...I will see ya inside my chatroom babe.. remember not to mention that I am upgrading u... You can use your msn name to sign in so i know it is you..
Spunky Trunks says (22:21):
Good luck!
Kathy says (22:21):
AUTO-RESPONSE: hey just in the middle of my webcam show if you want to watch click the link http://www.theselocalgirls.com/janefun

So! There you go! I think she lost track of me towards the end.

Hmmm, in fact looking back the whole thing could be automated.

I shall test it and report back!

Not the porn show you ingrates! Old Spunky is far too tight to pay for that!

I am a smart spelunker

2008-09-28T16:51:00.002Z

Was in the bathroom this morning when I heard my neighbours rowing. (I mean having an argument and not sculling a two person craft).

They new beneath me and fine barring the bird's love of Timberlake at full volume with thumping bass for an hour on Saturday and Sunday.

He's a bad looking brother and she's a middled aged looking dowd.

Anyway the reason I post is cos I thought her quote was funny. The only bit I heard:

"If this is about sex, I can't an the moment 'cos I'm on my period" - followed by a slammed door.

Said in a very sad an croaky voice.

I'm fascinated by what came before and after.

Personally I think they should call it a day.

After all, what kind of couple don't have sex at period time?

Apologies for my 6 month hiatus.

By the Banksy of the River Thames

2008-03-18T20:35:00.002Z

Look:

On my way home from jury service I spotted a Banksy! The first Banksy in Greenwich to my knowledge.
To be fair it's probably an imposter, but it looks close and is only in one place. It's a cut above the usual shite graffiti in Greenwich.
All the time the bizzies were watching me! But I was watching them too! They were actually watching the kids that ran onto the rails and delayed my train. But still followed me home!

Anyway on the way home I thought I'd also photograph this in my back garden:
These two rose bushes are next to each other, it seem the perncious evil of the plastic bag will tackle less glamorous prey than turtles and dolphins.
The jury service is on day two thanks for asking! Today was more of the same, detailed looking at stuff. And this is only the intro!!!

Spunky in Session! ORDER!!!! [Plong!]

2008-03-14T00:18:00.002Z

Well! Day four of jury service.

And guess what?

Forty of us were called in to Court 1 and told were were on the panel for a six week case.

And guess who ended up in the final twelve?

Yup, it's your man spunky.

Work are not happy, it's not really good for my career, but it makes a change eh?

No fitties on the jury with me though sadly.

All of these are American dreams

2008-03-10T20:56:00.002Z

I'm on jury service!

Again!

So hopefully will be able to post the next few weeks.

Here's a picture of when me and the Loobster went to see the Smashing Pumpkins:

Tiny people!

Hallo Knut. Kleine eisbear!

2008-02-12T21:36:00.001Z

Well, your man Spunky is back from Berlin and celebrating Freddie's forthcoming wedding.

I'm best man and I got the flights, accommodation and stag shirts (quality fully printed polo shirts with logo, number on back and arm AND name) for under £100 per head!

Do I sound like I'm proud of myself? I am!

Anyhoo! One of the reasons it was cheap was cos I book us into a gayhostel, it was awesome! Lovely big room and the owner was a star. I can highly recommend it:

http://www.gaybed.de/

A few of the guys were a little worried, but it was top.

SO! We wanted to see the sights and what is the main sight in Berlin:

Knut!!! The little polar bear abandoned by his mum and sentenced to death by a leading naturalist! As you can see! He's no longer little or cute. Still a legend tho.

So! Next on the agenda was drinking and I'd found the perfect club on the internet:

Sadly this esteemed establishment was fucking shut! So we went to a snokey bar and then got turned away from a few lappies. (we'd already done karaoke, don't worry!)
So then it was Saturday and time for more sightseeing. We saw the Brandenburg Gate:And I took an arty photo on the way top the holocaust memorial (a cool concrete block maze):
We then went to Checkpoint Charlie:
(Just next to it was Snackpoint Charlie!)

So then we went out on the lash again and found the lappies the stag demanded. It was 50€ for a lapdance!!!! And being a cheap bastard (and clinically prude) I declined. Mind you it was 100€ for full sex. My man in Honkers will tell me if this is a good deal.

Ok, back to my cold......

I got us going faster than we've ever gone before

2008-02-02T16:46:00.000Z

How exciting! I've just bought tickets to see Savoy, Morten Harket and Magne F at the Royal Albert Hall!

Also exciting was seeing my first ever car at a motor show in Birmingham. The Chrysler Sunbeam:

How it rocked! And how sad it was when I ditched it!

Out with the old! In with the old!

2008-01-31T22:30:00.000Z

Well.

Since I'm back I'd better keep writing.

Corporate Towers!

It's a new era! The way we are going have our performance measured is changing. To improve morale they have made the way people treat each other a big part of our bonus calculation.

And how, pray, are we to measure this? Well I'll precis a 2 minute speech into one word:

Subjectively!

Amazing! Now that is progress.

Another subjective measure with which I can be beaten! Add that to the rest of the subjective measures and it looks like my inability to lick arse may cost me dear this year too.

Did you spill the milk? Did the milk spill?

2008-01-30T21:27:00.000Z

It's 2008! My New Year's resolution? To work shorter hours. I mean fuck it, I get paid ok but life is too short to spend it all at work.

So.....what have I done lately? I mean it's only been 3 or 4 months since I wrote.

Well......

I went to San Marino. A very beautiful country.
Walked up to the beautiful castle and stayed the night inside.
Then we drove to Florence, and saw the Ponte Vecchio...
....and the awesome catherdral.
Then we drove to Pompei and saw this poor person frozen in the act of having a poo.

And then we drove to the Amalfi Coast and stayed in a beautiful 5 star hotel with this view from the balcony:

Awesome. And then we drove all the way across to the East coast then up and to the airport at Ancona. (We took the long route because of a bleeding lorry drivers strike).

And then home. Was awesome.

If you don't take chances you won't get hurt

2007-09-11T20:36:00.000Z

Good evening my friends!

I am freshly back from footie where we took a terrible pounding. Very unusual. We did have a pedestrian playing though, and I turned me ankle. Still poo though.

AND on the way there I hit a car tire that some cunt had rolled into the road. Fortunately no major damage but I hope little shit that did it dies in pain.

Well! Where have I been? Scandinavia is the answer.

I fancied a bit of a solo trip and saw A-ha were playing in Norway and it seemed to good an opportunity to miss. I booled the flights a while ago. £3.99 to Haugesund and 7p out of Stockholm. It seemed a good idea to give meself a bit of a challenge to get from the west coast of Norway to the east coast of Sweden in 2 days.

Sadly I found out that driving a car all the way incurred a return charge of over £400.

That sent me back to the drawing board. I managed to hire a car to take me to Oslo. About a third of the way and decided to wing the rest.

I had no accomodation in Haugesund where A-ha were playing either so I booked meself into a B&B in Stavanger. Some way down the coast involving a lot of tunnels and ferry.

I met two A-ha fans at the airport (one who'd travelled all the way from Australia, somewhat trumping my pilgrimage) and drove them to town and then set off.

A lovely journey punctuated by huge tunnels under the estuaries, some of them taking 15 minutes to drive through and going deeper than any other tunnels in the world. In fact I think one is top 5 for length too.

Oh great! Blogger has decided to add loads of extra spaces! The pile of shite. Right. Sorted.

Stavanger was very pretty and made of wood:

The old town, Gamla Stan:

I'd toured it all by the end of the day so the next day I decided to take a trek. (the B&B did lovely sweet waffles in the evo and had an Evertonian manager!) So I set of in the car and drove towards Lysefjord. This involved a ferry across a fjord:

And then a 2 hour trek up the steepest, most difficult, most vertiginous climb I've ever made. It was worth it to get to here though. Preikeholen or Pulpit Rock:

Ratface certainly enjoyed the view:

I wish there could be mountains of time

2007-09-07T23:53:00.000Z

Hello!

Sorry, I've been away on Scandotour 2007.

I saw the awesome A-ha.

As a quick highlight here is the longest note ever sung in a hit:

Quite impressive.

Great sound quality too.

Ah well not too bad for me little camera.

I got very wet in Haugesund that night.

This room is a dirty as I feel myself.

2007-08-05T15:17:00.000Z

WARNING: Please do not read on if you are offended by the word 'Cunt'

A movie of a very sad day:

Me putting The Bear in her travel case so she can move back to Southampton. I did blub a little.

The funny thing is though, I put this on YouTube. Now! Youtube can be a bit shit.
I typed out my video description twice, only for it to be lost in the lameness of YouTube's video download system.

Those who know me will realise by this stage I was ready to break something.

So the third time I gave description, write up and keywords all as 'Cunt' (apologies to those of a more sensitive nature who have read on after the warning above).

"Not very funny", I hear you cry!

Indeed.

But what amused me was the fact that all my other videos (despite some having been there for aboot 3 months, maybe more) have about 150 hits.

This one registered 75 in the time it took me to change the title back to something more relevant.

AH! The joy of internet sickos!

It's a scorcher today, I'd better go outside and add some vitamin D!

(Did you know gingers are better at producing this and hence are better adapted to survive in frozen wastes? Like Scotland).

I'm empty and boring!

2007-08-01T17:16:00.000Z

As you all know last month was a sad month. The Bear has gone.

So her final photo is here.

I miss her loads.

Every time I see something out the corner of my eye I think it's her.

On a brighter note I went to the cricket:
Little P, Ape in a suit and Budget Boy were all in good form.

Most entertaining conversation of the day:

Spunky - "I never win anything in my life, but I won a trip to Namibia. I had an excellent time in February. Somewhere I would never have planned to visit."

Ape in a Suit - "I never win anything either, but I won tickets to the Guinness Rugby Final."

Budget Boy - "I won a Lexus"

A supposedly humorous adornment on that most famous of nightspots "Up the Creek":

Soho! When I was a young(er) lad, I used to be a bit grungey. This was the grunge pub:

The Intrepid Fox.

Looks like grunge is no more.

Could someone tell me why this stupid fucking system decides that I now want double spaces between paragraphs?

Also went up north to see mum and dad. Mum is a tiny bit better but has so far to go I'm still very worried. We made a trip to Arnside. Well, we did after about 2 hours in traffic. I never realised a Blackberry was so good! Both for the cricket and Facebook. (speaking of which, get your name down there Dome)

The Arnside Viaduct:

Tea time I guess.

I, I go crazy, about the way you are

2007-07-29T22:59:00.000Z

I'm just back from Mum and Dad's. Not much improvement there.

I did, thanks to the vandalism of my car (Some drunken cunts pulled my wiper of and kicked my wing mirror off) have to travel by train.

It was packed there and back!

A nightmare.

Not so much for me though as I got a seat.

I did prove my charm too as the lady sat next to me want to go for a Thai meal with me! Not as a pulling type thing. Just cos!

Anyway. Enough of me and more of cheese:

Quote:

"How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds ofcheese?"

Gen. Charles de Gaulle, the architect of modern France after World WarII, quipped on the difficulty of governing France.

Thanks to the Dome for that one!

Tear off your own head

2007-07-18T20:38:00.000Z

Ack!

Work.

What a waste of most of my week.

Actually had a reasonable day today, but even so.

And I miss The Bear.

Wish I was here.

All around the world, young girls are fainting...

2007-07-11T22:01:00.000Z

Sad news

The Bear is going.

I thought I'd have her a little longer.

But Jitler phoned today and is taking her back on Saturday.

I will be all alone in my own little home.

The Bear resting

The Bear posing

The Bear helping me 'pute.

Mary is coming, and I think I'm coming too....

2007-07-08T17:59:00.000Z

The Tour de France is in Town

Yep folks! It sure is.

You may have been wondering what I'm up to, well......

A long story really, I may have told you all that I had been displaced from my last job?

Anyway, I was, which to be fair was a blessing as I hated it.

The bugbear was that I had a bad review hanging over me head from Joe 90 (who despite their best efforts to kick out got himself a new job). I had challenged this unfair assessment, but he refused to change it.

I then took it up with his boss (Captain Autism).

The good captain asked me to 'ask myself why I was doing this'.

Nice one! Thanks for the support.

There was no option but to raise an official grievance.

An unusual thing for one of my level.

Especially as the Union does not officially recognise any managers.

So I'm going through the hell of this whole informal and then formal process....

When I get offered two jobs on the same floor I'm already on.

Well, they're both good so I take one.

So I'm in a new job......and the new very senior manager tells me how much this whole process is stirring up the execs and doesn't reflect well on me.

Now I'm in a different place altogether.

I was hoping they'd make me redundant for being trouble.

But now I have a job I like.....

What do I do?

......................................

Only one thing to do.

Push ahead and carry on.

So I did.

And won.

And will now get a decent bonus.

Maybe I will pay for this.

But we all have our own levels of pride.

And honour.

I had to get one back on Joe 90 too!

Enough of me! The tour came past my road:

Here they are!
Whoosh!
And there they go!

That killed 3 minutes, so it's off the the Wharf to watch the Grand Prix:

Three montrous megaliths.
Brrrrrmmmmm!!!!!!!!

Ah! What a lovely Sunday.

Jeg kjenner ingen fremtid

2007-06-24T16:48:00.000Z

I'm getting a bit poor at posting at the moment, I blame a new job and new girl.

Exciting news! I booked a flight to Norway! (only £3.99 from Ryanair) I've also booked a ticket to see the awesome A-ha who are playing there at the same time. I then plan to travel across Norway, into Sweden and then fly out of Stockholm (flight out only seven pence!!!!). Can't wait.

Mind you despite the combined flights only costing £4.06, the tax was £25 and £8. What is going on there!!!! Madness.

I also plan to go to China in October and look up me old mate Big Al. Hopefully I can pop in on the Dome as well in Honkers.

OH! I just went to the Cutty Sark for a top bit of Sunday lunch with Pants. Very good to see the old chap! Getting married don't you know!

Right! Chores call!

Mary is coming and I think I'm coming too

2007-06-13T20:58:00.000Z

Wednesday morning!
Well! It must be said, I am crap at getting up but this takes the biscuit.
I awake at 6:15 to a strange sound. A weird cawing noise. I presume it's a fox and look out my open window.

What do I see? Nothing.

I look down. Nothing (well a pigeon flying away)

I look left. Nothing.

I look right. There's a fucking magpie sitting on me windowsill tapping his beak on the window!!

I went to take a photo (for here) and the bastard legs it. Well flew anyway.

So I go for a wee and go back to bed. Snore away switch of me alarm and wake up at 8:15!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

15 mins to get ready!!!

NOW, you must bear in mind I have a set getting ready for work routine:

feed The Bear
change The Bear's water
empty The Bear's pooh tray
put the iron on
pour out juice
get cod liver oil
make breakfast (usually cereal or toast)
iron shirt
eat brekkers and drink juice
go for a pooh and stroke The Bear
put shower on
Shave
shower (this takes fifteen minutes as I am a freak)
get changed
leave flat

This takes me from 7:00 when I wake up to 8:20 when I leave. Allow 20 mins for me to leave bed too.

So! As you can imagine! Having 5 mins to get ready was a test.

First of all I decided I'd leave at 8:30 to give me time.

I miss 5,6,7,9 and 12.

Somehow I made in to work on time.

Now tell me, does this mean I should stay in bed longer OR that I should get to work earlier OR that I am going to die because a magpie on the windowsill is a sign of doom!?

Where the dewdrops cry and the cats miaow.....

2007-06-11T22:20:00.000Z

Ah! What a lovely weekend. Took an extra Monday off to make it that bit longer. Friday night had significant beers in the Wharf and then had a kebab on't way home (there seems to be a run of bad food this weekend).

Saturday day morning I took my ex (we'll call her Jitler) for breakfast. She was giving me a right load of shit aboot having a new lass. She has a point though, we have only been apart for 9 months! AND the fact that she is pregnant off another man is of no bearing.

I then had the kind help of Angry Drunk to take most of her remaining stuff over to her flat. Several back breaking journeys later I drove off, late, to pick up me lass. She was understandably a bit eggy, but I presuaded her to come.

We then spent 2 hours struggling through the centre of London trying to get to Reading. This was exacerbated by almost running out of petrol. Why is there never a garage when you need one, but millions when you don't?

It was ace to see my good mates, Big Nosed Cornish and The Minkster and their little ones (Everyone of my age group has kids now. Well, except Mank).

We also quaffed wine well into the night.

Anywhichway. If you're in Reading what should you do?

VISIT 'HENGE!!!!!

And so we did:

Some people will have you believe it's dull, but I think it's awesome. We paid to get in and had a good wander round. It was a lovely day and you could feel its power.
That's the blood stone in front. Anyway, it was excellent. Especially having one of them daft listening things stuck to your ear on the way round. My first one was spanish. I mean do I look Spanish? Nope. To tall and too blond.

So! We'd been to Stonehenge, what next? WELL! What's this I spy on the map?...... Woodhenge! Stonehenge's cheaper less impressive brother.

And less impressive it was:

More like concretehenge to be honest as all the wood piles were replaced. If you look very closely you can see me lass striking a pose on a leyline right in the centre.

OK we've done the 'Henges. So let's go and see a chalk horse I've spotted on me 1997 road atlas. And so we did, no road signs to it at all, but we found it:

Impressive eh? We had an ice cream here and also saw a model airplane crash.

What an awesome weekend, Monday all we did was sleep and get hassled by Jitler. I took round the last of her stuff. I got me keys back.

I'M FREE!!!!!

FREE I TELL YOU!!!!

*CHEESE UPDATE****

2007-06-04T21:55:00.001Z

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Babybel is now available in new varieties, including mild cheddar and gouda.

http://www.thelaughingcow.com/lc/lc.nsf/ProductsL2-MiniBabyBel?openpage

Good news for cheese lovers!

Especially those that like their cheese tasteless with added rubber!

Bernard Cribbins in violent assault shocker.....

2007-06-04T21:27:00.000Z

A note from my mates the Freds. Apparently they got into a bit of bother in Moscow.

Hi XXXXXXXXXXXX,
THE MOSCOW INCIDENT (28-05-2007)
As we know alot of you have seen us on the news and in the press being beaten and attacked by Neo-Nazis in Moscow. We thought we should write a few lines to add our perspective to these bizarre events.
We flew into Moscow on Saturday May 26th for a show that evening.After we had checked into our hotel Richard and i had dinner and people watched in Red Square while the sun slowly set.We were amazed by how many gay couples we saw holding hands and openly expressing their sexuality.Wow we thought "Moscow's changed"..........................
The following morning we had arranged to have lunch with the local promoter, his wife and their 7 year old daughter.We were going to have lunch in Red Square but it was closed due to a demonstration.There were a large amount of Police and soldiers on the street but this is Russia so we thought nothing of it.At this point the promoter received a phone call from friends of his who were at a "Civil Liberties/Freedom of speech" rally and they invited us down.Richard and i weren't aware this was a Gay Pride demo and that it had been denied a licence by the Moscow authorities. We aren't big on public rallies particularly illegal ones and prefer to show our support for "sexual tolerance" etc etc in other ways. However we were assured that it seemed safe and the main purpose of this demo was to hand in a petition to the Mayor and that Tatu (a popular Russian girl group) were also performing so we felt ok about going along.
When we arrived it was a very small affair with a massive police presence and alot of international press,the Neo-Nazis were singing and doing interviews.The moment Richard and i left our vehicle the international press recognised us and immediately all the attention went from the Neo-Nazis to us.......oh joy!
We started to do some interviews but were very uncomfortable and could feel the tension rising, at this stage there was just alot of shouting and pushing. Richard and i tried to move away but the police wouldn't let us, in a heartbeat a guy had pushed through the wall of press and punched Richard in the face, as we both tried to move away again the Police pushed us back into the fray. Richard was struck 3 or 4 more times in the face, i was kicked and punched in the body, a policeman at one point actually restrained me while i was being hit.The guy hitting Richard had a crucifix in his left hand and was punching with his right.......Now there's an image!!! to It soon dawned on us that we were on our own so i grabbed Richard's arm and shouted "we're getting the f**k out of here" we pushed through the police line and the just legged it for all we're worth. What followed was like a scene from a Benny Hill sketch. We were being chased by the Neo-Nazis who were being chased by the press who were being chased(i use the term loosely) by the Police. Luckily we're quite fit but after a few blocks they caught us and we were attacked again, this time there were 2 policeman having a tea-break who were sympathetic to our situation and got involved,they arrested one of the attackers and protected us until our vehicle and promoter found us.
We found sanctuary in a very quiet restaurant where we attended to our wounds drunk some wine and tried to get our heads round what had just happened.
Although this was a very scary ordeal it's important to for us to say that on previous trips we have been lucky enough to meet alot of friendly, funny and compassionate people in Moscow and Russia.
We'd like to thank you all for the thousands of good will messages,we really appreciate your concern.Richard's been very sore for a couple of days but his cuts and bruises and mine are healing fast, alot faster than the deeper and more worrying wounds that fester inside the heads of those who attacked us and of those who were happy to watch and let it happen.
Love and Peace
RSF XX

On Hornblower's lederhosen like Walt Disney...

2007-05-12T23:23:00.000Z

The end

My beloved car takes its final drive:

Toyota Carina 1.6 16V Matchplay

1997 - 2007

Never forgotten.

What was deluxe become debris, she never questioned loyalty...

2007-05-10T22:16:00.000Z

Today is a very very sad day.

I have just come inside after clearing out my faithful car.

My beloved Toyota Carina 1.6 16v:

125,000 miles on the clock:

Flat head owl has been removed from his perch:

I rarely put a photo of myself up but this is an historic day:

Bye bye my love, we have had 10 great years together and I will never forget you. You never let me down, never broke down, passed MOT almost every time and took me to many places. Almost always at a consistent 90mph. Even though it was a little annoying having to pump up the back tyre every couple of weeks at the end.
I'm very sad and on the verge of tears, this is the end of the longest relationship I have ever had........

My mother is not crazy

2007-05-08T22:05:00.000Z

Ah! What a lovely relaxing weekend by the seaside that was. Sadly it was back to work today.
Didn't do that much mind.

Anyway. Apparently this gauges my seven deadly sins propensities (thanks to Bob the Hippy):

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Well, I suppose at least I'm not that proud or envious. Good to see old Spunky is still a bit Lusty. I reckon they got the greed wrong and the gluttony. Can't deny the sloth.

2007-05-04T14:47:00.000Z

I began writing down my trip to the US but go bored and forgot. Better finish off I suppose:

USA - San Francisco to LA

Still in SF we had to see the Golden Gate bridge, so we hired two bikes from Cannery Wharf. It was a fairly long ride and we decided not to take the ferry back because we knew we'd miss it.

Once back we had some clam chowder in a cob and viewed the sea lions at pier 39:
The next day, after we'd walked up and down all the hills and seen Nob Hill and all the other places we took a boat to Alcatraz:
Alcatraz was excellent, I sat on Al Capone's toilet.

We then took a streetcar home:
That evening we met Big Al and Nads and went the Castro (the gay area) for some big karaoke to celebrate me birthday. I did a rendition of Take On Me (to much acclaim)((comedy dancing rather than singing ability)). The next day we hit the road again and drove down the Californian coast to Cambria. There I saw this cheeky little fella:
After that we drove to Santa Barbara, very posh indeed, and had some excellent sushi and swam with a sea lion. And then we drove to LA for the final leg.....

He's a dirty old man, Nick the Chopper

2007-05-03T21:59:00.000Z

Why do things I have done in the past always catch up with me?

Anyway! I have a new job. Can't be bad really.

People Wot Look Like Me VI

18) The Diet Coke Dude

Apparently if you cover the mouth up of this guy he looks like me.
Obviously I have a better body but.....

This is a song about a superhero named Tony.....

2007-04-26T19:52:00.000Z

Good evening.

I haven't posted for over a week. A very poor show indeed.

I've just been busy really, drinking lots at the weekend, then it was the London Marathon (which as it goes past the end of my road it's rude not to watch).

A bit of working from home, where I actually just tidied the falt. Mainly my bedroom. I was moving out a load of my ex's stuff. My flat is still full of it and it's not fair to any ladies I should ever bring back to have a bedroom that looks like it's still inhabited by another lass.

My spare room now has a corner full of her stuff (she went mental when she popped over tonight and saw it all there).

Jesus though, you should've seen the dust mice under me bed! More like dust hippos!

Anywhichway the room is a bit bare now but much nicer.

Then Wednesday I went up to Sheffield to do some work up there and went out for beers with The Smoke and a couple of others. We were joined by The Hammer who popped over from Leeds, excellent to see him again.

Anyway we had some tapas and got battered. You know when you're really drunk and you lie in bed and all you can taste is apples (despite not having either drunk cider or eaten apples) you know you've drunk a lot then.

Accordingly today was a write off worked till 1 then caught the train home (which bastard well broke down at Derby, so I had to wait for another for half an hour).

Well that's the dullness over with.

Will put something exciting later.

In the meantime here is a pic of me in the pool at the Beverley Wilshire Hotel in LA.

You've been searching for that someone and it's me out on the prowl

2007-04-18T13:02:00.000Z

Ah! Wednesday afternoon. Working from home and the weather is lovely. The Bear is fast asleep on the bed, sunlight is slanting in through the open windows and Baris Manco's dulcet tones are reverberating around the flat. Perfect.
Just had a huge fry up too. What more do I need?

I always like to bring you my most amusing E-mails and here is another from Babyface (alway a guarantee of bizarre humour:

So anyway: I had a dream last night where my girlfriend was flying a sort of jet fighter plane and I was straddling the nose, facing forward and we were both smiling and laughing and flying around a bit. Then it got a bit dangerous and I got frightened that I might fall off. When I woke up I did a sex wee. What on earth was all that about?

Being a tin pot psychoanalyst I had to reply:

Dude that dream is evidently a manifestation of repressed homosexuality. The big plane fuselage between your legs representing the phallus societal indoctrinations have made taboo.
In this modern age air transport is often associated with sexual dreaming and is at its most common in dreams involving unresolved internal conflict.
The fact that your 'girlfriend' was behind you reinforces this in conjuction with the fear before orgasm, a demonstration of your fear at stepping into the new, previously forbidden, world of same sex climax.

I have had no reply since....

Right! I need a shower.

I've never felt darkness, the way I feel it tonight.

2007-04-17T17:09:00.000Z

Well, it's Tuesday evening and I am perturbed by Englands performance in the cricket.

Anyway I am still smelling peachy thanks to the invigorating showergel I used this morning. LYNX VICE!

I was expecting to exit the shower smelling like this:

Or even this:

Disappointingly not. I just smell kind of clean.

Ah well, enough of getting you all excited thinking of old Spunky scrubbing his firm body in the shower! What happened today?

Well I am battling the evil forces of corporate fascism. I'd better not go into detail really but suffice it to say I am taking on Capitalist Corporation Inc to right a wrong.

Wish me luck.

I'm too sexy for my hand!!!???

2007-04-16T21:48:00.000Z

Fucking hell!

Just when I think it can get no worse for our friends the honey bees!!!

AND it's partially my fault.

Apparently mobile phones upset their navigation systems and the don't make it back to the hive and they die of exposure. We're bastards!!!

I always knew they were evil (and not just because girlfriends can interrupt your philandering).

Ah the joy of being displaced. Took a 5 hour lunch today.

Remind me to tell you the story of needing a poo in a girls flat!

What? the land of the free? Whoever told you that is your enemy!

2007-04-11T20:53:00.000Z

Ah! Wednesday night.

I have just watched England make a meal of beating Bangladesh.

Very sad.

Also shared a couple of pizzas with Angry Drunk.

Weather is awesome right now, getting home in daylight AND it's warm!!

Being displaced also means I'm happy to leave work early.

What a day at work though. I had my first meeting regarding my 'displacement'. They would love to give me a lesser role. Sadly, as I pointed out to Barbie, employment laws prohibits them from forcing me to accept this.

They are very keen to avoid redunadancies.

The next 6 weeks will be interesting.

To say the least.

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

Motherfucker.

But i wasn't strong enough, to let you win.

2007-04-09T10:59:00.000Z

The Roman Legion care aboot fat kids:

Take that you little foreign bastards!

Power to the chubsters!

This reminds me of when me and Pants used to live back home ooop north. There was a fat kid who used to wander round our neighbourhood.
Of course, him being volumetrically challenged we used to shout 'Fat Bastard' out the car window whenever we saw him.
[NB the Amazing World of Cheese in no way condones this behaviour and would like to point out that the write of this article has grown up into a civilised and gentle pillar of society.]
[He still thinks chubbies should stay indoors though]
We used to find this quite hilarious.
Until one day he stood up to us......................
After we had driven past and shouted the usual abuse, we looked back to see him red face and shouting 'fuck off' or somesuch at the top of his lungs!

We were gobsmacked! I mean. He's stood up to us!

What should we do?

...............

I hammered on the brakes. We both jumped out the car and chased him all the way home!

Cheeky fat bastard!

Right. I'm off to a barbeque at the Pants residence.

Oh! I forgot to say! The Dome was back from Hong Kong last week. And I touched his nutsack.
It was all velvety!

The sun must never touch your skin, it could expose the dark within....

2007-03-29T20:56:00.000Z

Hello everybody peeps!

The news today!

I have lost my job!

I mean it's not like I'm out on the street, but it means a tumultuous future.

To celebrate I got battered last night and now can barely think.

Tomorrow I will celebrate by working from home with the cricket on.

A picture of me up a mountain as a young lad is needed!

Oh great! Blogger put in loads of extra spaces! Blooger, you are retarded you ****!

I just had to delete even more!!! Who tests this shite?

Day I take a bend too fast....

2007-03-17T00:07:00.000Z

Friday!
And what a day! Took the day off because it was the beginning of the world cup for England.
Car was in the garage for MOT.
Popped over to Pants place for a jam and to watch the cricket.
Cricket was bad to honest, but me and Pants actually made some decent sounds.
I gave my bass its first decent run out and we ran through a couple of Police and Nirvana songs.
Speaking of the Police! Me and Pants are seeing them live in September. It's been a long wait but hopefully worth it.
Well, anyway, after jamming we picked up me Toyota. Passed MOT with no problems, I mean mean for fucks sake. My car is 16 years old, it shouldn't be passing MOTs first time! I love that car.
Anyway, then we drive to mine, neck a bottle of wine and head into Greenwich to meet the Borrowers. We watch the end of the dismal cricket (next to a couple of Kiwi ladies with their moles and pale faces, they were there over an hour and didn't buy a drink! Is the third world really that bad in these days of globalisation?) and have a few more drinks.
Then it's off to the noodlehouse. £5 for a huge meal and a drink. I mean one meal would feed two. (I'll wager the Kiwis ate there and shared a course, actually I'm being too kind, they were probably bin rifling).
And now I'm home, a little drunk and in fine fettle.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring..........

My awesome car yesterday

They make a study in despair....

2007-03-12T22:29:00.000Z

Where has old Spunky been? Nobody asks.

Well....I've been busy. Work is very hectic at the moment, loads on added to the fact that I intend to take up a grievance against my ex boss. The man is a complete meff.

In addition to that I've been busy both of the last weekends.

The weekend before last a posse of 10 of us went up to see the mighty blues play a dreadful draw against Sheffield Utd. On the train up we had an excellent game of poker which left Per Kroldrup £40 up.

After the game (and a Nandos!) we went out on the town. Sheffield is quite pleasant for a beer to be honest, we tried out a few bars and finally settled on one that Babyface liked. Me and the man himself are dancing, I say dancing but I may be stretching the truth and the floor was so sticky I couldn't move me feet, when I get a text from the Thing aka Thumb and Eggman. "Gaybar, discuss".

Now. I know I've been out of the game a while but I just presumed tight T-shirts over bulging muscles was the way Sheffield lads looked these days. Per Kroldrup coming out of the bogs chatting chummily to some random should have alerted us too.

We decided to move on.

To a scream bar. toss.

Anyway, a few more beers at the hotel bar and I'm for bed. I'm having a lovely dream and Per Kroldrup and Lady Fingers come piling in. This triggers my morning poo function.

I have clench a bit whilst they brush teeth. And then watch in disbelief as Per gets in to bed with Lady Fingers (admittedly a girl, but she's one of the lads!) mind you, she has been there before. And with the Thing. And with the Cowboy. And most noteably with El Greco. Not the point though, bad etiquette!

So I pop for a poo. Only to have Per knocking on the door saying "What are you doing?" For the first 10 times I replied "having a poo". The last one I just shouted "Having a wank you fucker leave me alone". Which spookily he did and retired to sleep upside down.

Next morning we pop to the ubiquitous Irish pub for a sharpener and catch the train back. Almost recovered Per takes us for another £40.

Which brings me to facism in action. Picture the scene:

7 raucous scousers and one woolyback playing poker. Quiet student type behind us. He shows ticket.

Miss Bennett (the facist ticket inspector): This ticket is for the wrong train. You will have to buy another or get off at Derby.

Babyface: It's alright mate, we have a spare. You can have it.

Miss B: You cannot do that as it is against the law.

Spunky: But he is part of our group isn't he everyone

Group: Yes he is

Miss B: No he isn't because I just heard you offer him the ticket

Babyface: But he is part of our group now. I bought 9 tickets in my name, no one else here's name is on them. He now has a valid ticket

Miss B: Tickets are non transferable. I can call the Police

El Greco: But that is ridiculous, MISS BENNETT, thank you, what is the point of being like this when you are upsetting so many people?

Miss B stomps off only to come back later and asks to speak to student alone.

Justice was not done.

Miss B's boss will receive 8 letters of complaint this week.

Right I was gonna talk aboot this weekend and the joy of the night bus. But I'm too tired.

Night all.

Check this picture for a meat market in Walvis Bay, Namibia:

Subtle no?

It seriosuly pisses me off the way this stupid engine lobs extra paragraph gaps in for you when you add a picture. Fix it blogger you lamers.

And I'd go anywhere, yes I'd go anywhere....

2007-03-05T22:26:00.000Z

Back to work and I really can't be arsed today. So here is a short video of a train going through the desert near Swakopmund in Namibia.

I was on my way back from sandboarding.

What the devils is the point of work eh? It's a mindkiller.

I work very hard, but I'm lazy.....

2007-03-01T22:06:00.000Z

I can't be bothered at the moment really.

Had a nice quiet day at home today. Getting me laundry done and doing the shopping.

Does anyone else spend £139 when they shop. Or am I just daft?

I bought one of them little bottles of wine too! How single am I?

Anyway. Nat sent me an amusing video once and this one is the same trains only even funnier.

Back to work! BAH!

Free radio Albemuth

2007-02-28T21:33:00.000Z

I is back!

Namibia was top (I'll tell you later).

I'm shattered so I'll just put this on:

Just look at those two naughty rabbits causing a breach of the peace.

Fortunately someone called the 'Chicken Enforcers' and they don't fuck aboot.

Charge straight in, solve the problem and then strut off to do more good.

Chicken enforcers! Awesome!

Lovely moonchild, drifting in the echoes of the hours

2007-02-18T14:17:00.000Z

Well, A few beers last night in Greenwich to celebrate Angry catching me up in age. He didn't turn up till half nine!!! Rude.

I was careful drinking though as today I am off on holiday to Namibia.

Wish me luck.

Accordingly here is some tat. Allegedly these are real exam answers:

To be honest I thought that was a hard question. Good underlining of elephant teacher.
Does anyone out there know how to answer this question. I agree with the tactic. If you don't know the answer make up a new question.
Unprofessional teacher, never encourage bad behaviour.
I could answer this one. But who's to say his answer isn't correct. In my line of work I'm told that 'no idea is a bad idea'. No one actually believes it though. AND I would have the captain up for constructive dismissal (unless he did indeed sleep with his wife.)

Have a good coupla weeks all.

Maybe life is like a ride on the freeway....

2007-02-17T10:28:00.000Z

Saturday Morning.

Soccer A.M. is muttering away in the front room, I'm sat in the 'puter room watching the sun burst into my bedroom.

I'm chatting to good friend in Spain via the media of MSN Messenger.

Blue skies out the back window.

I'm nursing a slight hangover.

Typical Saturday really.

Mental Jane just called from angry's (she visiting his missus Smelly) she's over from Australia and we're all out the Spanish Galleon to celebrate Angry's birthday tonight.

Mazzy Must was supposed to pop over but she's running late.

That in essence is my saturday.

In an effort to spice things up, here is a picture of a millipede I took in Langkawi, Malaysia:

Halil Ibrahim Sofrasi

2007-02-15T22:09:00.000Z

Well, Thursday over. What happened?

Not much really.

I did get a phone call from Mank. Bless him, he's 39 and lives in a rented bedsit. Has done for many many years. He's a lovely bloke, he's just not like you or I. I fear he'll be there when he's 50 living the same life.

I've also started reading this book:

Look closely......

Is it just me or does that space stationlook like a bunch of tits????

Well I think so. Didn't notice it when I bought it, now I feel foolish.

Who the hell does Geoff Dreadnought think he is?

2007-02-14T10:09:00.000Z

Will this rain never end?

It's battering it down here.

'Where have I been' I hear you cry? Well..... 'Where haven't I been?' would be a better question.

Thursday night was the Hammer's leaving do.

[Before I get on to that I must relate his leaving speech. Well the funny bit:

The Hammer: "When I said to my workmates in Birmingham that I was moving to the Head Office in London they said 'Don't go down there it's full of arrogant tossers' and it's good to see so many of you here today!!" - Genius]

Much ale was quaffed (or to quote the Dome 'much piss was throated' - sadly he wasn't there as he's eating duck vaginas in the Kong) and I went on to Greenwich for a few more too.

Then me and Angry decided we needed kebabbage so we got that and watched a film till 2.

Surprisingly I was somewhat jaded the next day.

Unfortunately the next day was big team's drinks. So I waddled down the pub and partook in red wine followed by lots of lager. Somehow by closing time me LooLoo and Scoot decided to go for a curry [there's a food theme developing here] so we set off only to find the curry house shut, and the next one and the next one....

We ended go to some dubious £3 a curry place with the most miserable staff ever seen. But it was nice. Meant we had to go back to Scoot's place in the ghetto (in the ghetto). Ended up staying over (but had a very nice cuddle) and watched a film till very late. [another pattern].

Then! It was Saturday morning and I had to drive to see mum and dad. Man I was so tired I could barely keep me eyes open. You know when you're driving along and you jump and you know you fell asleep for a few secs. Not good. So I pulled over for a cheeseburger and 2 cans of red bull and managed to get to Liverpool in one piece (buoyed by an Everton win!).

Not really much to say aboot 2 nights at mum and dad's. Mum is still very ill and now it's starting to really get dad down. He's on the verge of cracking.

I did have a sausage dinner (2 sausages, tomato, onion gravy, peas and chips) from the chippy though which was lush.

Then Monday morning I drove to Sheffield for a days work their. It's took me 5 hours to get home from Sheffy. I was shattered.

Sadly on Monday morning Pants' dad died. Pants' Dad was a top man and I grew up with him down the road. He was a very intelligent man with a great dry wit. If Pants grows up to be like him then he'll be a great man (even greater than now (he's gonna look just like him)). He got Pants through some bad times and was a great father.

In tribute I think you should all watch this great video from Baris Manco:

Don't you love those expressionate hands?

And this I know, his teeth as a white as snow....

2007-02-06T21:23:00.000Z

Hello! I am just back from footie. We lost!

We always seem to lose when the German plays, I put it down to his zonal marking.

Sadly it was also the Hammer's testimonial (I paid his fee in honour of him). He is moving to Leeds and will be a huge loss to the team. I will miss the bloke. He's a lovely fella and funny with it.

I had my end year appraisal with Joe 90 yesterday. What a cunt. His parting gift was a bad review for me. He told me the reason why he was forced to leave was because people had a perception he'd been in the job too long! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

He was actually forced out because he couldn't deal with people.

But since he threatened a law suit (with good grounds) for unfair dismissal and was given another job he has managed to convince himself it was all for a good reason. I wish I could be so delusional.

Hey, want to know my favoutitest text message ever? Wee Scotch sent it me:

"Oh take a pic2pith yo5food, c"

Genius! What the hell does it mean though?

Oh. I set up Loo Loo and Thumby Egg Man on a date. It didn't go well. I shall never play cupid again.

We had a bit of snow last week. I thought I'd show you:

Spunky grounds.

Spunky front yard.

I love a bit of snow!

You're so pretty when you're faithful to me.

2007-02-04T17:52:00.000Z

Sunday evening! I am just back from a joyous trip to sunny Oxford and its environs. Friday night I had some good kosher fun with my friend Loober. We had a nice bit of Japanese food (her first time and it was made a touch difficult by the fact that no shellfish were allowed and the fact that fish to be eaten must have fins and scales! - We were unsure on eels and had to miss them) and a bottle or two of red wine. A very pleasant evening and I now have very sore stomach muscles!

Saturday I drove over to see Little P. This man, legendary for his well packed bottom, is a great friend of mine for over 19 years (second only to Pantsfellah!) and we always have a top time together no matter how long it's been. First we had a quick pint watching the mighty blues (a creditable 0 - 0 draw at Anfield), not the most interesting game and disappointingly Rafa Benitez joined sulking dickhead Hosepipe Mourinho and white stick carrier Arsepipe Wenger on the whinge wagon.

The we went on to watch some real football at the Kassam stadium. Most noticeable aboot this place is the fact it only has stands on three sides. What should be the away end is just a wooden fence!!! Anyway, did I say real football? To be fair it was very poor. Cambridge went one up against the run of play and the Oxford sneaked an equaliser in the second half in a quite dull game. Always nice to see a spot of footie though.

[OH! brief aside, I went the Doc's to check if I needed any further jabs for my hols. AND disappointingly I did, a meningitis jab. I was very brave though and got a sticker for it!]

Am I not brave? (I stuck it on an elephants bottom)

So! After the footie and what seemed like an eternity riding on buses we got back to his hometown of Faringdon. A very pleasant little place. We then embarked on a pub crawl, especially taking in all the rough pubs his lovely wife McGroot will not let him frequent.

Many pints of Guinness were quaffed and it was a top night, most interesting moment of the evening was stood at the bar of the Wheatsheaf and seeing a fella waltz round the side with his nads out and a luminous bracelet round them (one up from your usual displays eh Dome?). We ended up in a curry house the size of a front room and enjoy the antics of a drunken local sliding down the stairs on his arse and then abandoning his bird to pay! (which she didn't!) Ah the joys of rural life.

We then decamped to P's capacious home (which has more doors than any house I've ever known) for a bit of Young Ones watching and P falling asleep and snoring. An excellent evening.

But now I back and have to relay the end of an era. This is 'puter chair:

A piece of shit but it served me well for the last 4 years. It was hellishly uncomfortable and I'm sure the source of my bruised coccyx for the last year or so, I mean look at it! The back is ripped so I couldn't lean back and I had to stick 2 cushions on to make it bearable. It also gave me rough elbows.

BUT NOW! Behold:

'Puter Chair II this is the future of 'puting. And the future is comfortable! How did I survive so long? I should have listened to Angry!

We're looking for the whales

2007-01-22T21:29:00.000Z

This video reflects how I feel at this moment in time:

A beautiful piece of work from A-ha.

Whereas this is just funny:

Load up on drugs and kill your friends

2007-01-20T23:47:00.000Z

Well.....Pants set me a challenge, to copy another Da Vinci masterpiece of his choosing. So here goes:

Spunky Does The Masters - II. St John the Baptist

Da Vinci

Spunky

Near as dammit.

Ah! What a day I've had today. Been getting rid of some more stuff to the exs new place. Good stuff really except it's left my place a tip and now I have no spare bed! My 'puter room is now big and echoey!

Mind you, just had a chicken dansak and that was quite nice.

AND!!!! I found all my lost CDs. The fascist had put a load in a draw in the bed. As a result I now have two copies of Licensed to Ill by the Beasties and Fallen by Evanescence!

Got a shotgun, lying with me here.

2007-01-18T21:18:00.000Z

Jesus! How windy was it today?

I mean working on the 31st floor of corporate towers is bad enough BUT when it's windy it is hell! by 1pm I was feeling quite ill. The building had been groaning and creaking all morning with limited sway. Then there was a crunching sound and the whole building shuddered. Everyone was looking a little seasick. I thought fuck this for a game of soldiers and went home for a long lunch.

On the way home I had to catch an old lady as she got on the bus. Otherwise she would have been blown over. (my good deed for the day, and she was very grateful! Aren't old people ace? Well, apart from the really smelly ones).

Then I get home and I can't get into the back yard cos all the wheely bins are blown over. Fortunately your man Trunky is a trooper and he manages to sort it and line the bins all up again............when!............suddenly!........one of the wheely bins chrages me!! It came at me dead fast, bloody unbelievable. Fortunately I am nails and survived.

Anyway. It appears to have calmed down now.

What did I do at the weekend? Went to fucking IKEA that place was invented by the swedish version of Satan. You have to walk all the way round to get out! Now which c*nt's idea was that? I know it's a good idea cos it makes you buy more. However it is also a bad idea because I will never ever go again unless I'm forced. It's a c*nts game and I'm buggered if I'm doing it when I can pay more and get something made out of real wood and walk straight out. Put that in your pipe Sven you blond mofo.

Oh if you want to do something mildly amusing go to their website and use their helps service 'Ask Anna'. Ask her things like 'why are you so stupid?' and 'What time do you finish work?' and 'Will you fuck me for money?' That passed a cosy 10 minutes for me at work.

Oh! My dad finished that painting. Here it is:

What the fuck is it with this new blogger that makes itput big gaps between paragraphs? They deliberately try to piss me off!

Sit in a darkened room and look at you from a distance

2007-01-14T11:27:00.000Z

Reet! I've been inspired! And here comes a new series!!!! WOOT!

Spunky does the Masters - I. The Mona Lisa

My effort today And the Da Vinci original!

Enough to fool the experts?

Omfg i totally pwned that noob

2007-01-13T13:32:00.000Z

Hello! Not much posting lately. I'm going through a busy spell. The ex is moving into her new pad and I am helping (being a pretty stand up guy) and a good friend from work is staying with me after splitting up with her ex. I cooked her somerset pork last night and totally burnt it!

I rescued enough to feed us fortunately and she fell asleep on the sofa whilst I necked off the fizzy Shiraz (I can recommend it highly pants) and played guitar.

Anyway, I'm dead pleased it's Saturday and the temporary lodger is out so I thought I'd big me dad up.

This is a boat that resides near me:

In fact!

Nice and Interesting things wot are near me II - The Luigi Esilvia

Whilst mum and dad were down over Christmas I wanted dad to get a break, as his whole life at the moment consists of looking after my mum. So, I sat and played cards with mum while dad went down to the Thames and did a bit of sketching:

Not bad eh? Although he's invented a little boat!!! (mind you, the scene may have changed since I took the phote? Is that possible?).

NOW!

The sad thing is with genetics and all that I should be a good artist too!
But it's just not the case. Here is my effort:

Hmmmm, not quite so good. Nope I got me Dad's big nose and Mum's poor concentration span.

Bother!

There is no language in my love....

2007-01-09T21:49:00.000Z

Well, the first week back at work is over and the second one started.

Having a week off didn't seem like a week at all.

I know what you're all wondering! What is Spunky listening to at the moment? Well! Here is the answer: www.pandora.com I typed in me favourite song and it then picks songs like it and builds you a radio station. Interesting. Some I disagree with but you can reject them.

Is anyone watching Big Brother? I must admit, usually I'm a fan but I'm finding it dull. Yeah I know 'The Face Man' is there, but..... I was confident Leo Sayer would win but he's turned into a mentalist so I have no idea now.

I haven't blogged for over a week. That's really bad. Accordingly much must have happened! Not really. Apart from the fact I have a horrendous cold.

It's dead windy here, which makes corporate towers creak ominously. A lass near me (the Durdenator) called the engineers cos she thought it was the air conditioning. They said the same as me. 'It's the wind love'. Mind you the engineer was entertaining. "Where is XXXX Darringdon" He says. Hmmmm very close to Durden mate.

Reet I've cooked a cottage pie, done a weeks dishes, washed the sheets and done some ironing! Time for a doss.

Thought I'd leave you with this funny little building near the Thames Barrier.

Their hands touch my body.......everywhere!

2007-01-01T18:09:00.000Z

Happy New Year everyone!

I am somewhat hungover.

HAHAHAHA! I have worked out why the formatting is weird! It's cos I'm a goon and was in the html bit!

I have achieved little today. Last night was a big night.

I hope 2007 is awesome for you all.

Just down the road looking across the river.

Let us walk through this windless City.

2006-12-29T11:25:00.000Z

Well! I'm finally alone!
Mummy and Daddy Trunks left this morning at 10.
It's all quiet and relaxed now at Spunky Mansions.
I have lots of ham to eat!

What the hell is going on with blogger? Most of the formatting has disappeared and pictures are in html. Spooky.

I will soldier on!

Right a new series.

Things near me wot are nice to look at/interesting - 1) Charlton House

First I trunk Mum and Dad trunks to the General Wolfe statue to look down upon the Queens House and assorted old buildings.

Then we drove to Charlton House.

It has very nice walled gardens.

Apparently this is the finest example of Jacobean architecture remaining in London.

Sorry boot the formatting! I really must work out what to do for new year!!!

(I've fixed it!)

Deserve ain't got nothin' to do with it!

2006-12-26T00:28:00.001Z

Look what angry got me for Christmas:

How blinking cool is that?

It was all fine until me dad totalled it into the Christmas tree! After a few repairs it was airworthy again though.

Anyway! Christmas day was a complete success in Spunky Mansions.

I was up at 10 am (early for me on a holiday) and commenced to was my turkey, rub salt in all over and stick seasoned butter under the skin. Chopped up me onions and carrots. Lopped the wings off. Piled it in a tray and lobbed it in the oven.

I then had a shower and popped round to Angry's to get some gravy thickening and my pressie (see above, I am shamed to say my present was nowhere near as cool).

Mum was hovering around bless her but not up to helping. So I prepared the rest and sorted things at the right times. I did chestnut apple and pork stuffing, roast potatoes, honeyed parsnips, sprouts (grooooo! that is commitment to the family), yorkshire pudding and lovely thick gravy to top it off. I have to say it was the hardest meal I've ever cooked. But it all came off and mum and dad loved it (especially pleasing as Mummy Trunks hasn't been eating well and doesn't enjoy her food at all at the moment). What a relief!

One thing though!

I forgot the sodding pigs in blankets!!!

The Bear had a lovely bit of tuna in case you're wondering!

I reach the edge of town, I've got blood in my hair....

2006-12-25T00:02:00.000Z

Well..

The trunks family are here and all is well so far.

(also Everton won yesterday which makes my weekend better).

Yesterday I got all the stuff in and my fridge is full to the brim. Today I finally managed to get hold of the book my dad wants and did all my wrapping.

Mummy Trunks looks a little better but is so skinny. She's just bones.

Anyway, I cooked em up a Spunky cottage pie and it went down a treat so all is well so far.

Tomorrow I must cook my first ever Christmas dinner though.

Wish me luck.

I will close with a picture of the burnt out Brighton pier:

Hope everyone has a wondrous day tomorrow and gets ace presents.

Strange somethings that will never sleep!

2006-12-23T20:16:00.000Z

CHRISTMAS!

Well, work is over at Corporate Towers (at least for me!) so it was out of work early on Friday and into the pub.

On the way to the pub you cannot miss this:

That's how it looks in daylight (well, very foggy daylight).

I mean how cool is that????

Here it is against a background:

It's as tall as two houses!

AWESOME!

It's the coolest christmas lights I've ever seen.

Here it is in the dark:

Am I a bit too excited by this?

Anyway! We had a bit of a drinking sesh in the Wharf. Mavis the Fairy was there, Mott the Hoople (and her boyfriend Curly from the Three Stooges (he even speaks like him!)), R2D2, Angry, Tillface, Jinn, the Borrowers, The Hammer, Shaz & Dave, LooLoo, The Best Bottom on the Floor, Lorraine Kelly, Marshmallow Face, The Hoff and Lurch (the new gonk from business).

Lord knows where everyone else went.

A lot of booze was drunk and after one for the road myself, Angry and Tillface had a kebab and wandered home.

Today I did all the Christmas food shopping. It was hell! But I think I have enough to feed the Trunks Family for a few days.

Now all I have to do is tidy the flat!

Wish me luck.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS ALL!

I wanna write a novel, freeze all your expressions into words.

2006-12-16T19:07:00.000Z

A great bard once sang:

'Christmas time,

misteltoe and wine,

children singing christian rhyme.

With logs on the fire,

and logs in the loo,

It's time to enjoy

all the things that we do'

Inspired by such words, Spunky thought it was time to put up the tree:

Yeah, I know, a bit minimalist. But I'm just impressed I got the fucker up!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
x

What a concept!

2006-12-16T10:52:00.000Z

Saturday morning! Up quite early for me. England have thrown it away in the cricket again. No footie for me today as we're goona be trounced by Chelsea tomorrow. Don't get me onto football and the ruinous effect of too much money in the game!

Had a kebab last night. Nope, I hadn't been drinking. But it was late and I was hungry.

News this week:

My ex Aussie-dutch has had a baby!!!! A blinking baby! That now means at 4 of my ex's have had babies, and those are the ones I know aboot! It's a frightening thought. I think I'm behind the game a bit.

There was probably more news but not that interesting.

Right. I really must do something today. Yesterday I did nothing whatsover. Today I must start getting the flat in order for mummy and daddy Trunks. I've ordered the turkey, but it's going to be tricky as mummy trunks is still very ill and doesn't enjoy eating. Hopefully it will be a nice change for them both. Hard work for me cooking all week though.

WAIT! The Bear wants to go for a run......

The christmas cards are beginning to rock in, 11 so far, mind you I am counting one from Guinness and one from Lakeside.

Great series never die!!!

Cylindrical Buildings of the World - Number Six!

This is an oasthouse I stayed in last year for a holiday. It's only in Sevenoaks and it's cool only having to travel half an hour to be on holiday. It had a heated outdoor swimming pool (I skinny dipped!), but it also had spider's webs down the back of the chest of drawers.

Another great holiday arranged by my ex. She had a great talent for it. But then it was also a talent for squandering money.

Right! Next task! Take out the recycling.

Fine dark chocolate with an aromatic taste of Arabica coffee

2006-12-15T15:15:00.000Z

HELLO!

Spunky took the day off today. I'm not saying I'm psychic but I just knew I'd have a hangover. It was Corporate Hell's christmas lunch (at least my bigger team's) and we all tropped out to Pizza Express for Christmas lunch. Pizza bloody Express. Very festive indeed. I had the blandest pepparoni pizza ever recorded. Mind you the tiramisu was good.

I quaffed a fair bit of wine with my closest colleagues and we then went on to a yokel pub.

Entertainment was provided by some fucked up amateur dramatists doing a little play with St George killing a saracen and the dance of a black crocodile head. All very frightening. To add to the horror Santa Claus with a big white head turned up. It was like a great big pumpkin head.

I'm amazed I slept last night.

Later on we were entertained by the lovely Hammertime being chatted up by a west indian cicketing legend's son. He was smooth, smooth but obvious, 'You are so beautiful' was rolled out repetitively (he wasn't even drunk!).

I then meandered home with LooLoo and we had one for the road in The Ship and Billet, formerly known as the Frog and Radiator (home of Mike 'I'll cut yer' the Knife). But it was very friendly barring the fact that they were surfing the music channels at full volume for Christmas classics.

Personally I kept out of trouble once again (and was rewarded this morning by a phone call from my ex to make sure I was alone).

And today? Today I have done nothing. Ru-oh! Nothing. Nothing at all.

I'll leave you with a picture of a praying mantis that was on the ceiling outside our room in Langkawi:

I love praying mantii!

By the way! What the hell is going on with this new blogger that leaves big gaps between each paragraph??? Annoying.

I look to the skies and the answer is clear....

2006-12-13T22:58:00.000Z

Wednesday night.

Just watched Lost. Eko is dead! My favourite character, if they kill off Sawyer and Sayid it'll all be over for me. Jack is vacuous.

Tomorrow is my team christmas lunch. It is likely I will cosume much alcohol and become incoherent.I'll leave you with this picture of a hermit crab from Langkawi. As big as me fist. AND I have big fists. The hermit crabs were so cool. There was one with a tiny wee shell. Poor little thing was last in the queue at the housing association. Maybe it didn't have enough minority needs.

Ah! Look at the cheeky little fella peeking out at you!

Night all

And you my love, won't you take my hand?

2006-12-12T22:42:00.000Z

Well! What a day. Actually, not a lot happened. Oh! I suppose I played footie and we won convincingly, I scored two! (mind you the better one was disallowed).

Wee man is back from his caribbean cruise and looks like he needs a wash, but he bolstered the defence impressively.

Right!

I'm on a roll, so!

Cylindrical Buildings of the World - Number 5

Look at this baby! Not only cylindrical and Latvian but old too! This is the powder tower in Riga's old town. A great place I'll tell you aboot later.

But now Spunky must sleep.

My own pad! I'm going crazy!

2006-12-11T23:13:00.000Z

You thought it was no more! But I have a long memory (if a litle patchy). What's that I see up on the hillside in San Francisco? It's not? Yes it is! It's the Coit Tower and it's:

Cylindrical Buildings of the World - Number 4

There you go! What a beauty!

I was called by the Dome today. All the way from Hong Kong, where incidentally it's 30C+. I spent 45 minutes chatting to the old goat. He's loving it out there, especially the wildlife.

On another note what is it aboot me that winds up one of me best mates? Every once in a while he just gets the arse with me. I suppose I can be annoying......

Speaking of which I moved desks today. For what reason? I don't know, to waste people's time I suppose. I am now back on the north side where I was 4 years ago. Have now done 3 sides of the building. If I can get a role in finance I can complete the set.

I do now have the advantage of being surrounded by women though.

Reet! To bed.

Don't you set those lonely eyes on me.

2006-12-10T13:23:00.000Z

Yosemite to San Francisco

Off we trotted from Yosemite to wind our merry way to San Francisco (we had flowers in our hair don't worry).

Everything still looked really dry as we approached San Francisco and the roads go bigger and bigger. Most interesting sight on the way was this:

How many windmills is that!!!??? A lot! And the picture doesn't convey the true size!

First real sighting of the City was as we crossed a huge bridge (with an island in the middle)

I'm sure that's been in the odd film. Driving in was a mare! The street names are in the wrong direction. I thought we were doing well till I realised that what I thought was 5th street had changed to 11th via 6th, 7th, 8th etc. Also the one way system is carnage. I was navigating at this point and it was all my fault!

Our hotel was halfway up the hill between the Tenderloin and Union Square. Proximity to the Tenderloin gave some entertaining liasons with comedy drunks and mentalists. Getting to it was a mare though. Driving up preposterously steep hills avoiding street cars and getting lost in the one ways.

Once happily settled in, having been ignored by the rudest valet I've ever seen (he was too busy trying to flirt with an old lady). We set out for a quick explore. Just up the roads was where Francis Ford Coppola writes all his stuff (the interesting green building below) and the Transamerica Pyramid.

Alsdo this rather cool building covered in Jazz legends:

Our first sighting of the Coit Tower (you may hear aboot this later, note the shape!) There are so may steep hills it's a wanderers nightmare. Note at this point most of the holiday had been at temperatures of 40 to 50C it was now 15C.

We walk around Nob Hill (huh huh huh uh huh huh!) and Russian Hill and down, the alleged, crookedest street in the world. Very pretty and green and unlike anything else around:

From the top we had a pleasant view of the business district:

But this is my favourite photo of all:
I mean what kind of place has streets this steep! It's worse than Sheffield. Cool though. I was loving it already and we still had to go to the Wharf, Alcatraz, Golden Gate etc etc.....

Just got up today and my thoughts are miles away with you

2006-12-09T13:16:00.000Z

Yosemite

Driving out from Death Valley was more desert, but getting a bit greener with plains full off scrubby little bushes (oooer).

Then I saw my first joshua tree! There were loads of them later on. Sadly their name has been sullied by tedious musical leviathans U2. But don't let this put you off, they are still cool (the trees not U2!).

We drove past a huge lake that is now a salt flat thanks to the excessive water demands of the west coast and then we started climbing towards Tioga Pass. We saw our first snow on the way (it was August). Tioga Pass is the eastern entrance to the Yosemite national park and is at a height of 10,000ft. Somewhat higher than anything in the UK. We pulled up just inside and had a sit by a lovely green meadow and lake.

It all felt very relaxing. We assumed we were nearly there when we pulled in at an information place, but we still had ages to go!!!

We gently worked our way down through tall trees and broad green meadows towards our goal. On the way we passed a small river and had a bit of a paddle.

Just before we reached Yosemite Village we passed El Capitan (our second of the trip) a great big rock face. If you look closely enough you can see climbers.

We got to our base and checked in. The dude on reception asked if we were 'bear aware'. I love that term, he said there are often bears in the car park at night. This led to me wandering around the car park in pitch black at midnight hoping to see one. Alas it was not to be. But I did see the Milky Way.

Outside our room we did see a Blue Jay though. Check the high hair on that mofo!

Next day we decided to go for a little bike ride around. Very relaxing and beautiful. We found a great big bear trap, a bit like sized up mouse one (not the neck breaking ones!!! surely that would be madness) it was like a skip.

We also saw a coyote wandering around. This one is easier to see. Can you spot it?

The highlight was a beautiful view of the most famous sight in Yosemite Half Dome:

A completely different experience to what was before but fantastic still.

This was definitely going to be a close run thing with the Far East for my best ever holiday.

Whilst we we showering and getting ready a squirrel snuck in and took a few bites out of my hershey bar! Only reason we knew was bite marks.

So it was back in the car and we set forth for San Francisco.

They came for Dani Behr, I said 'she's over there behind the wardrobe'

2006-12-08T15:43:00.000Z

Christmas Party 2006

Always entertaining the christmas party. For me this year, however, it was a thing of fear!

My ex was coming! AND my ex hates my ex, who was also coming. Now I know I said in the last post that shitting on doorsteps was poor BUT sometimes a man needs to shit and hasn't got the time to make the choice!

To be fair I have been around there for aboot 10 years too.

My ex is still upset and a big scene was on the cards as the other insists on talking to me and that make my ex lose her senses!

Fortunately, my ex decided not to come last minute and all was ok! So off to Great Portland Street we went. It was a disappointing turnout to be fair. Aboot 90 people I'm told. I know that's a fair few, but it used to be 200. Sadly the 'fun police' have been concentrating on destroying any team ethic or social fabric in our department and fewer and fewer people want to go.

Guess what the theme was!??? Go on guess! No? James Fucking Bond! Oh how original. You know how we knew when we got there? There was a cut out of Bond and a big poster. Bag of shite! We had a casino too, with pretend money and the dumbest croupier I've ever seen. Ever played black jack with a croupier who struggles to count to twenty? Jesus! It was like urinating treacle.

So, on to the meal! Soup, nice! Tukey and spuds! Not bad! Christmas pudding! 'I'll have two please!' Oh dear! Look what Santa did on Hether's pudding. Bad Santa!

He's only gone and done a white wee on it!

Ah the joy of secret santa. Every spends money on shit presents and keep piss poor stores in business.

I even ate the mince pie!

So then I played black jack for an hour with a lovely scottish lass. Then I danced with a lovely mexican lass. When I say danced I am maybe pushing the definition to its extreme. So Hethers gets so drunk he doesn't know who he is (not a big drinker our Hethers) and is jigging around on the dance floor knocking people over and covered in balloons (much to the displeasure of his bird).

At this point me and the Dome would normally take one of the disposable table cameras and take an anonymous shot of unholy parts of our bodies. Sadly Dome is in the Kong chasing the yellow dream, so I just had another Guinness.

It all went on till aboot 4 (with me avoiding a drunken middle aged lass who would do anything in the mean time) and then we toddled off home.

And I saw no misbehaviour.

Bobbins!

Once there was a sea here but there never was a door!

2006-12-08T04:42:00.000Z

It's 4:40am and I'm back from the christmas party.

I'm somewhat the worse for wear, but in one piece and behaved impeccably.

Oh I was tempted. But I thought it best not to.

Shite and doorsteps etc.

I am now consuming a bag of macadamia nuts before bed.

I hope everyone in the whole world has a great weekend.

I shall leave you this picture I took whilst bombing down the M6.

Leave a light on, I'm coming home.

2006-12-03T12:19:00.000Z

Sunday morning and your man Pants is a bit weary. This whole malarkey of having the cricket in Oz makes a man's life very tiring. We're not doing as well as hoped either, after a promising start. Ah well.

Anyhoo! What a beautiful morning (ok early afternoon). The sun is streaming in through the windows (showing the smears) and it nice and cheery.

[You see! That's why us Brits discuss the weather! One day it's like a great big grey soup, the next it's sunny and blue. It's all over the shop. It affects your behaviour.]

I have a number of lemon dilemmas:
It's nearly christmas, should I put the tree up? (T will probably want it)
T is taking the spare bed and my mum and dad (Godwilling) are coming down to stay over christmas.
As per the above but she is also taking the dining table and coffee table.
And microwave!
(how the hell did I cope before? I must've lived on the carpet.)
Should I bother contacting the girl with the feline eyes?
Should I start getting up earlier rather than being late for work?

Ack there are loads.

Hmmmm, I was gonna post more but the tool bar is absent!

Reet. I'd better go wash up then.

Summer moved on, and the way it went you can't tag along

2006-12-01T15:50:00.000Z

What a horrible grey day!!!

However Pants had an interesting dream aboot Shakira last night:

"She was teaching me arc-welding whilst a walrus with a trumpet was slowly crushed between two sheets of toughened glass.
Then she ran her hand up my thigh and whispered in my ear:
'hoots mon Ive a ken to see yon walrus freed'
then i had to try and save the walrus in order to get a shag"

I thought I'd leave you with a sunbset from Borneo. You know I'm bloody lucky to have been the places I've been.

It's amazing how sometimes you don't appreciate it. Borneo was incredible.

I'm on the inside, looking outside....

2006-12-01T09:18:00.000Z

I rarely get amusing E mails at work. Yesterday I got two!

You shouldn't really laugh at this:

Or this:

But I did!

Had another meeting with my new boss yesterday. He knows what he's talking aboot, which is a bonus. A definite improvement. We'll see if I make the cut next year!

He has his contradicting views, she has her cyclothymic moods

2006-11-29T23:22:00.000Z

Mookie couldn't see the coyote. So here it is magnified:

See it? I know it's faint but I was standing in a fucking nest of fire ants!!!!

I broke into your locker and I smashed your glasses

2006-11-27T20:59:00.000Z

Monday evening.

I have the Chilli cooking in the kitchen and thought I'd have a scribble.

Got a phone call from the Dome today. All the way from Hong Kong. He's doing well and spookily has a team of 10 working for him! Not bad for a balding fool.

He's missed at Corporate Towers. All the interesting people are leaving. Even the lass in finance who looks a bit like Christina Ricci.

I have been cancelled three times running for a 1:1 with my boss! Must be good news.

What the fuck is going on with this new blogger that it sticks extra gaps between paragraphs?

Anyway, the chilli is good. So I'll leave you with a picture of the Thames Barrier just down the road. Me and Pants went there at sunset for a few photies.

That which passes, passes like clouds

2006-11-26T17:07:00.000Z

Evening all! It's 5:30 pm on Sunday in Spunky Mansions and is dark outside. We have a bit of 'The Crimson' on the CD and all is relaxed.

It is most excellent to have a weekend at home for the first time in over a month.

Mind you, I have had the JP over this weekend so it was not as relaxing as it should have been!

Death Valley

After the joys of Utah and Arizona we were driving across Nevada to Death Valley. All desert to be honest which I found quite exciting.

The only really interesting event was getting to a T junction and not knowing which way to go. Fortunately there was a huge group of bikers on Harleys there. Finding the concept amusing I drove up, leant out and said in my poshest english accent (not very posh). 'Hello chaps. You wouldn't know the way to Death Valley would you?'

Turns out they were french! The knew the way though, and with a shouted 'Vive la Frnace' we were off again.

First place we got to was Zabriskie Point:

Now why Zabriskie point is famous I don't know. The only thing I know aboot it is that there is a movie named after it by Michelangelo Antonioni and also a Pink Floyd soundtrack.

It was cool though. Actually it wasn't, I climbed up to take that shot and it was 50C. The air leeched the moisture from your lungs.

So we drove on and put up at our hotel in Furnace Creek.

Once checked in we pooped down to Badwater, the lowest point in the US at 282ft below sea level:
Loads and loads of salt, very little water and very hot.

I ran up a hill and was shattered with a bad headache. Needed to drink pints of water. Very impressive though. We drove round to the Artists Pallet:So called because of all the different coloured minerals (mind you it all looks a bit khaki to me) and then on to the Devil's Golfcourse:

Why the heck he plays golf here and not at the immaculately kept course at our hotel I don't know. All those salt formations must make his fariway shots a bit tricky.

So, we go back to the hotel for a swim. Lovely outdoor pool. Expecting a nice cool refreshing dip after a hot day we were disapointed. It was like soup! I have never been in such a hot pool.

Back at the room we had a nice glass on wine on the porch and I spotted a coyote walk past:

If you look closely you can see him just to the left of the middle post. It's a poo picture and the reason I show it is because I flipped off me flip flops to run closer and ended up standing in a fire ants nest! I can tell you that that bloody hurt! I dashed back and ran my feet under the taps in the bathroom, shouting all the way (much to T's merriment). AND I didn't get a better photo!

Never dash aboot barefoot in the wilds of the US! It could've been a scorpion!

Next day we set off for Yosemite. Stopping on the way to look at the huge sand dunes near the Stovepipe Wells:

And off we drove. Ignoring the advice to turn off the air conditioning to avoid the car overheating.

One by one I'll knock you out

2006-11-23T22:02:00.000Z

MISSION COMPLETE

Our mission is complete. You may remember Jonasz of Poland wanted a Liechtenstein spoon. Well I have found one and here it is:

What a beautiful thing!

Just need to post to Poland now.

I really must start blogging properly again. I've just had my 2,000th visitor!

But for now I am tidying the house. Spunky Manor was going to shit because last weekend I was in Eastern Europe for 6 days. Previous weekend up seeing mum. Weekend before that I was in Latvia with angry.

Busy busy. So tonight, I emptied and cleaned out the fridge, cooked a meal, tidied the whole flat, hoovered, cleaned the sink, bath and toilet, washed all the sheets on both beds and ironed a shirt for tomorrow. I'm shattered.

Spunky Manor is now squeaky though.

Bring on the ladies!

Here I walk the streets without you as autumn fades away

2006-11-15T15:51:00.000Z

Hello!

Old Trunks is in Vilnius today. A very nice place it is too.

Had a lunch of beef stew with a drink for aboot one pound fifty. Right in the centre of the old town.

We arrived late last night and wandered into a local bar (for local people) and it was 80p a pint. Big roaring log fire, lovely ladies. Just the job.

I also just beat Wee Man at Rummy 5 v 4 HUZZA!

Early start tomorrow to catch a train to Minsk.

And I try and I try and I try, but it never comes out right

2006-11-13T10:20:00.000Z

Old Trunky is off ill today. I have had a cold for weeks and it's beginning to bug me.

Was up seeing Mummy Trunks at the weekend. She's maybe a little better but it is very very sad seeing her in this state.

I have now moved to Beta! I don't really know what that means so we'll see!

Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz zz zz zz zz zzz zzzz zzzzz!

2006-11-07T21:26:00.000Z

Well! Guess who woke me up at 11:30 last night?

Yes, that's right! The fucking Bear!

I thought since I'd been away for the weekend, and cos I was tired and went to bed early (9:30pm a record surely!) that I would let the Bear cuddle up and sleep with me.

Generous I thought

How does the little bitch repay me? By drumming her little heart out on the great big mirrored wardrobe until i sit up......then she stops........I lay down...........she starts again!......I get up........she stops.........I lay down............starts!......I swear and get out of bed..............she sprints of and hides under the front room table.

Little turd! I had to go and drag her out and lock her in the kitchen.

Anyway! What was Riga like? I hear you cry!

Very pleasant indeed (barring the Ryanair flight full of stag c**ts).

First picture I took:

There had been 10" of snow the preceding day. And me and Angry had a lovely sit in the pub watching the snow pour down that evening.

This is what the locals think.

I'm presuming they mean 'sick' in the street talk manner.

Headlights burning through the night!

2006-11-06T20:25:00.000Z

Your man Spunky is back from Latvia!

And jolly cold it was too. I'll tell you aboot it later. I was very snowy.

Cylindrical Buildings of the World - Part III

You thought I'd forgotten aboot this eh? NEVER! It's a mission (just like Janusz's spoon!).

This baby is on the north side of the Thames just near the Barrier. Me and my main man Pants decided to go take a few shots and here we are!

Cylindrical eh? The area it's in is called Silvertown.

Right I'm shattered will post more later.

I can do about an hour on the tower of power.

2006-11-02T22:21:00.000Z

It is now mine and Pant's mission to get Janusz that spoon! I did find one on E-bay but they would only post to the US. Fascists!

************NEWS FLASH*************

My boss Joe 90 has been given the push! Anyone who has read earlier will know that I think the man is a prize **** but he was binned a touch harshly. He's being all nice now and I feel a bit sorry for him.

HA! do I fuck.

It does mean that I will be forced to schmooze my new boss or die though.

***Other news***

Your man Trunks won the team pumpkin lantern competition, HUZZA! The......................pause to allow the Bear to climb behind the keyboard......................princely prize was a box of milk tray (which I shared) and a £5 Waitrose voucher (Woot! I used it to buy some sausages and a loaf of bread).

*****And Finally*****

Well the Dome is gone for good and in remembrance I will post a photo:

See the horror in the pretty young girl's eyes as the Dome manhandles his nads out for the umpteenth time that evening.

Dome has very big low hanging nads. And he likes to show people. He was actually showing everyone pictures of them on his mobile at aboot 6 pm!

======The Bear is attacking me!!!!!!!!!!!========

That's better. Well anyway. The Dome has left these shores. Hopefully he'll be reporting in from the Kong at some stage. L0ndon is a poorer place without you old son.

Oh! By the way the comedy shades were added to protect his identity.

Growing up as a lesbian punk rocker in the middle of America's bible belt is quite a challenge...

2006-10-30T18:34:00.000Z

I left my Skype open all day today and was happy to get two messages.

The first was truly pleasing:

Hello :). My name is Janusz. My friends in other countries coll me "John". I am from Poland. I have an international collection of spoons. Not normal spoons of course, but special decorated tea spoons, from many diffrent countries. I have now about 60 spoons. Till today I have not spoon from Lichtenstein. If you have a posibility to get such a souvenir spoon from your country, and send me to Poland, I will be really very happy. I don't need this for free, I can send you than money, or also som souvenir from Poland, if you want. This spoon you can find in souvenir market, traffik market, newspapeer market, on trainstation, airport etc. The spoon has a decorated motiv, picture, emblem, inscription, typical for the place, city or country. If it is possible, give me please an answer. Kind regards and many greetings - Janusz from Poland.

I would love to help him! Sadly I cannot. If anyone else has the relevant spoon I will put you in touch. What a lovely polite man.

Even better I got a message from Nat. She's still alive! HURRAH!

Is it really dark outside or is it me? This whole winter thing is bogus.

Anyway! It is coming up to halloween. So being a festive kind of guy (actually, all the top managers in my team were ordered to do one for our team meeting - did I not say he was a fascist?) I made a pumpkin lamp! I my youth back home we used turnips! When I told the team this I was roundly mocked. Anyway here he is:

Brrrrrrrrrrr!

Sadly the pumpkin soup I made from his insides was quite watery and bland!

Downward to the Earth

2006-10-29T21:36:00.000Z

Ah! Sunday. You can't beat knowing that it's back to work tomorrow. Extra hours sleep last night, although I was awoken by my ex wanting me to take her to Bluewater. Imagine my delight!

Monument Valley to Grand Canyon to Las Vegas

Sadly we had to leave Monument Valley (cos I totally loved it) and we got back in the wee planes.

If you look closely above you can see 'the totem pole' a very long thin spire featured in the Eiger Sanction with Clint Eastwood. Too be honest it actually isn't that rock but it is as impressive.

At this stage the pilot realised that the storm ahead (there were frequent bursts of lightning) was too much for the small planes so we had to turn back! He didn't tell us this but I noticed the fact that we were heading back towards Momument Valley. We spent the rest of the the flight running ahead of and around big storms. I have to say old Spunky was sweating.

One of my last views of the Mojave desert.

Getting back to Las Vegas, this where they keep their B52s, tankbusters and fighters. A fair few for the middle of nowhere.
We got to the airport and then got a bus to the real airport and picked up a big old Chevrolet to set on our drive to and across California. Leaving Las Vegas I couldn't help but be impressed by this sign showing some budding entrepreneurs work in the line of poo.

And we were off. Off into the desert! Next stop Death Valley.....

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism it's just the opposite.

2006-10-28T17:22:00.000Z

Thanks to JK Galbraith (deceased) for the title.

From Grand Canyon to Monument Valley

Approaching Monument Valley. El Capitan is ahead, the only volcanic point in the area.

I thought Bryce Canyon airport was small, but this one beat it. All it was was a tarmac square with a wooden fence. The runway was just a dusty track!

First stop was at Gouldings resort. He was the bloke who brought the westerns to Monument Valley and this place was an indian trading post. We were treated to Navajo Tacoes, which looked like a circular naan bread full of chilli, tomato and onions. Very filling and served by plump squaws.

Looking from the airport I got my first view of the mesas and buttes. I was so excited I was clapping my hands like an infant.

From Gouldings we were picked up by our bus. An ancient thing with no windows. It's so warm and dry theres no need for windows. Ever! We drove across the desert to the visitors centre and set off on the route round the park on dusty tracks often so steep the bus had no right to make it up them. The above picture was my first clear view, with the left and right mittens clearly visible.

A cowboy sitting on his horse on a promontary. In fact he was actually an indian. Either way he looks cool as fuck. Such an awesome place it was all orange. I could live there it is so breathtaking.

I can honestly say this is the best place I've ever been. I loved it. But sadly we had to go back to the plane to fly back to the Grand Canyon.

Marmalade, I like marmalade.....

2006-10-28T12:24:00.000Z

Spunky's Non-psychadelic Breakfast

Saturday morning and old Trunks was awoken by Angry Drunk a buzzin' at the door. A quick pop down to the bakery for some bread and the Guardian and the above was cooked up.

4 rashers smoked bacon

2 goose eggs

2 slices toast

full tin of peeled plum tomatoes

1 glass freshly squeezed orange juice (with bits)

spot on

Here is a picture I took on the way up to see mum last weekend. I'd just come out of traffic on the M6 and saw all the Mookies trolling across the bridge and thought it was an excellent juxtaposition. (whatever that means).

This is where 'The Bear' sits when I'm 'puting. It's all very sweet until she decides she wants to play 'fight and bite'.
And finally. Why do lasses always leave something behind in your flat?

Wanna Fly to a Place Where it's Just You and Me....

2006-10-27T18:25:00.000Z

The Grand Canyon

A short flight over the desert from Bryce canyon and we were in the Grand Canyon. It was just like a great big forest until you got to the and an then the above was our fiest view.
It was just awesome walking along the rim (rim! Huh huh huh uh huhh huhh!) looking at the sheer immensity of it all.
I snapped of loads of shots (in fact I took aboot 800 on the whole holiday - oh the joy of digital cameras)
We popped back for sunset and the ranges of colours and views were breathtaking.
Well worth the horror of nipping around in little planes. I must say T did an awesome job organising it all (bless her little heart). I mean I'd never planned to go to the US but Big Al selfishly decided to get married in Las Vegas. Then T started to plan. I did do a thing but when I saw what was near Las Vegas I said that we had to go to Monument Valley and the Grand Canyon etc. Thank goodness I did because it was amazing. Mind you it did cost me over 4 grand! She doesn't believe in the budget hotel.

Nearly sundown and everything is brown or purple. Time to go back to the little lodge in the middle of the forest. It was fantastic being soemwhere where it is genuinely dark at night. Here in London the sky is kind of dark yellowy blue. Not the black it should be. In fact when we got to Yosemite I saw the milky way for the first time in my short memory. That was later though. Time for bed and then the next day......

Back on the tiny plane:

We were on the back seat! Loads of leg room for me!

Her eyes when she's smiling, could never reach home.

2006-10-25T22:59:00.000Z

Right I was tagged and feel I ought to do it.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag five people

He minored in Russian at the university of Oklahomo and – at last – studied in St Petersburg and talked aboot…………ah fuck this it’s boring. He’s some nobhound who writes for lonely planet in the Eastern Europe edition.

I can't be fucked to tag anyone else either.

Sorry.

On a lighter note old Trunky has very sore stomach muscles.

What have I been up to......

Her touch would be tender, her kiss would be warm, but when we're together, I'm always alone.

2006-10-23T15:14:00.000Z

Bryce Canyon to Grand Canyon

Lordy I'm slow at this. Two reasons for this:
1) Blogger is a piece of poo and loves to fuck me up mid post
2) I was away at the folks this weekend seeing Mummy Trunks (she's not much better to be fair but I'm convincing myself there's a glimmer)

Reet:

I'm not the best at flying, especially in a wee plane that feels every breeze, but the scenery we flew over was spectacular. I think the above is the painted desert. We went over it twice at different times in the days and the variation in colour is amazing.

This is a fault line caused by the join in tectonic plates which meet at the edge of California.

The Colorado river cutting a deep gorge. We were getting near the Grand Canyon........

When I'm alone beneath the stars and feeling insignificant

2006-10-15T18:39:00.000Z

After a break up Trunky must smoke!

I haven't had a cigarette for 4 years but I had these babies hidden in the bookcase:

I smoked them when I was in Slovakia. And very nice they are too.

But now they are finished I will smoke no more.

I have a new culinary technique. At the end of cooking chilli bang in a bottle of beer.

I'll tell you how it comes out.

No one knew who they were, or what they were doing...

2006-10-15T10:37:00.000Z

After the short flight we arrived in Bryce Canyon.

AND it was awesome. I have never seen anything like it. This was why I came to America, not to see the product of cultural stagnation. This is nature doing what it does best. Enough of my rabbiting, suffice to say it was cool.

My first picture on arriving there, bright green contrasting with the pale pinks.

A tree killed by lightning. Loads of trees get hit here every year. Most just lose the top. This one took a big one.

A great example of a 'Hoodoo' the softer rock underneath the cap wearing away more rapidly over time.

Millions of them! Awesome. The area was huge and totally stunning.

Unbelievably pink too, I'm not normally a pink fan (honest) but this was top.

Just when I can be anymore impressed! A chipmunk!

And then back to the airport for our flight to Grand Canyon. Small eh? There was even smaller to come.

But it's home to us, in the deepest jungle!

2006-10-12T20:50:00.000Z

Well as a single Trunks now I have more time to see things.

My friend 'the Hammer' brought this to my attention:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wGR4-SeuJ0

Enjoy the trials and tribulations of Chad Vader!

There are 4 episodes. The latest on Splu.net

top comedy.

I think aboot it all I get caught up in my life....

2006-10-09T22:07:00.000Z

Flying to Bryce Canyon:

First of all we flew over the Hoover Dam. It looked like was made of concrete, not hoovers at all. Impressive but cheating. Maybe they ran out of hoovers and they're at the bottom.

I love the way the plateau just crumbles away in this one:

Giving me a digital camera is madness as I will snap away all day:

Zion national park looked impressive too. Me saw no lion though.

Bedtime for Spunky!

The Amazing World of Cheese

Ow ya

I'm gonna shit on your floor

Making sense of secondary science

Afternoon naps are where it's at

High yellow hair and worn brown suit

The august musings of Leonard P Miskovitch

Ode to the fascinator

Comedy Big Hand Girl

Why is the rum gone?

The Bear is dead

So glad we made it MIAOWWWWW!!!!!

I'm not a perfect person

I am a smart spelunker

By the Banksy of the River Thames

Spunky in Session! ORDER!!!! [Plong!]

All of these are American dreams

Hallo Knut. Kleine eisbear!

I got us going faster than we've ever gone before

Out with the old! In with the old!

Did you spill the milk? Did the milk spill?

If you don't take chances you won't get hurt

I wish there could be mountains of time

This room is a dirty as I feel myself.

I'm empty and boring!

I, I go crazy, about the way you are

Tear off your own head

All around the world, young girls are fainting...

Mary is coming, and I think I'm coming too....

Jeg kjenner ingen fremtid

Mary is coming and I think I'm coming too

Where the dewdrops cry and the cats miaow.....

***************CHEESE UPDATE******************

Bernard Cribbins in violent assault shocker.....

On Hornblower's lederhosen like Walt Disney...

What was deluxe become debris, she never questioned loyalty...

My mother is not crazy

He's a dirty old man, Nick the Chopper

This is a song about a superhero named Tony.....

You've been searching for that someone and it's me out on the prowl

I've never felt darkness, the way I feel it tonight.

I'm too sexy for my hand!!!???

What? the land of the free? Whoever told you that is your enemy!

But i wasn't strong enough, to let you win.

The sun must never touch your skin, it could expose the dark within....

Day I take a bend too fast....

They make a study in despair....

And I'd go anywhere, yes I'd go anywhere....

I work very hard, but I'm lazy.....

Free radio Albemuth

Lovely moonchild, drifting in the echoes of the hours

Maybe life is like a ride on the freeway....

Halil Ibrahim Sofrasi

Who the hell does Geoff Dreadnought think he is?

And this I know, his teeth as a white as snow....

You're so pretty when you're faithful to me.

We're looking for the whales

Load up on drugs and kill your friends

Got a shotgun, lying with me here.

Sit in a darkened room and look at you from a distance

Omfg i totally pwned that noob

There is no language in my love....

Their hands touch my body.......everywhere!

Let us walk through this windless City.

Deserve ain't got nothin' to do with it!

I reach the edge of town, I've got blood in my hair....

Strange somethings that will never sleep!

I wanna write a novel, freeze all your expressions into words.

What a concept!

Fine dark chocolate with an aromatic taste of Arabica coffee

I look to the skies and the answer is clear....

And you my love, won't you take my hand?

My own pad! I'm going crazy!

Don't you set those lonely eyes on me.

Just got up today and my thoughts are miles away with you

They came for Dani Behr, I said 'she's over there behind the wardrobe'

Once there was a sea here but there never was a door!

Leave a light on, I'm coming home.

Summer moved on, and the way it went you can't tag along

I'm on the inside, looking outside....

*CHEESE UPDATE****