Apples of gold, soft and sweet like natures meant to be.

And here is where I lived before that:














St Johns Wood. My first place in London. I remember driving down from Coventry with 'Ape in a Suit' and thinking 'fuck I'm moving to London' I did it totally blind.

Budget Boy arranged the flat and I sold my car so I had some money and started work at McDonalds in Swiss Cottage to make sure I had some income. Working at McDonalds at 24/25 with a wage of £3.50 an hour wasn't exactly a morale builder. AND the people in there were so lame. I had one young lass telling me how to put chips in the bag (I was wearing a green badge and that is the lowest of the low - this despite my previous glittering career in McD's in Coventry having taken me to the heady heights of Training Squad!).

The ranking goes:

Green Badge - First few weeks whilst on probation

Yellow Badge - You can now start training in earnest and get your stars

5 Star Yellow Badge - You've passed all five tests and now are an ecpert in the ways of chips, buns, burgers, chicken and cleaning (I may have them wrong - Pants please tell me if I have). At the stage some people start thinking they're important. It's risible.

White Badge - Training squad! You can now test people to get their stars. (this was the peak of my career!)

Floor Manager - You get a blue shirt now! I was offered this 'If I took my job seriously' I replied 'How can anyone take this seriously?' and oddly didn't get the job. (this was the peak of Pants' career)

Manager - You actually get a salary here. But you couldn't find an uglier bunch. Apart from Harrison Ford, he was entertaining, I think he got canned for stealing though!

Anyway! This bint is telling me how to put chips in. And I'm just looking at her like the div she is and ignoring her. So she goes and complains to the manager! (Hitler in the making) and he says 'Actually he's training squad and has just moved here' She comes back and apologises! Hahaha! The power of the white badge!

Obviously I couldn't hack that for the long. The morning shifts I mainly did where inhabited by people who couldn't speak english and there shoes were falling off their feet. It was like a tramps convention in Lagos.

So then I got a top job working in a perfume warehouse! (cheers temp agency! Obviously saw my potential with my degree and career in McDonalds). I worked with a top old bloke called Ken, a goofy female Arsenal fan and a a gay hairdresser type (the manager). Most notable moment there was being told to slow down because I was working too fast!

It was there I met Qwex! A top, but unusual looking fella, and ended up playing in a Ska band. I used to turn up to practice learn the songs and then get told to wait a few weeks because I picked it up too quickly. They called me 'Muso' because I used to borrow Skinheed's bass and play the riff straight back to him. ('I spent weeks working that out!' quoth he). I would bask in my own ability here. But to be fair it was more their lack than my excess.

Anyhow. I did that for a while and then the agency come in with a job at Midland Bank in Queens Park! The rest is history. Here I am in a redundancy position for the fourth time!

Tell you what though! Football on Wednesday night I scored a cracking goal! This is a very rare occurrence as I play at right back and rarely venture far into the opposition half. I took it down the wing crossed it in and followed up. It bounced around a bit fell to me and I leathered into the the top of the net. CLASS! I celebrated shirt over head for some time. I made the most of it as it's unlikely to happen in 11 a side for another 5 years or more (and I'll be retired by then).

Reet. Back to working from home!