Who built the ark? No one, no one.

Another dream! Last night I dreamt that I got picked for the Slovenian national football squad!

Now, this is unlikely for two reasons:

1. Despite having travelled around Slovenia, I am not slovenian, nor do I have a maternal great grandfather or any other realtive from there
2. My standard of playing football (even if I played consistently for a couple of years and got fit) is pub standard at best

But when did reality ever stop me dreaming?

So! I turn out for Slovenia at an age where most players are thinking of retirement and this leads to me being spotted by a lesser premiership side. Which in turn leads to a salary of £15k a week. Well! How happy am I? I get a break from my real work and do this instead. In to the bargain the president (or whatever they have) of Slovenia sorts me out a top pad in central Ljubjana. It's all going very well till I wake up........

But with all this fame in mind I was at a ball on Friday in a very posh hotel. That dude from Bo Selecta was there. Why are all celebrities so small? Are television studios built for the smaller person? Or does it save money when filming to be able to get closer with the camera, I suppose it could be a hangover from when the microphone was on the camera.

Anyway, me and Angry got very drunk on free champagne and persuaded some bloke to steal the signed West Ham football that was meant to be a prize (no one had claimed it!) I also won a watch. Furla is the make, anyone heard of it?

Right! Wigan are playing Man Utd this afternoon and I used to follow them whilst I was at college there (at the time they had the worst ground I've ever seen). So it's only fair I don a scarf and wind up the Man U fans. London is full of them!