Jeg kjenner ingen fremtid

I'm getting a bit poor at posting at the moment, I blame a new job and new girl.

Exciting news! I booked a flight to Norway! (only £3.99 from Ryanair) I've also booked a ticket to see the awesome A-ha who are playing there at the same time. I then plan to travel across Norway, into Sweden and then fly out of Stockholm (flight out only seven pence!!!!). Can't wait.

Mind you despite the combined flights only costing £4.06, the tax was £25 and £8. What is going on there!!!! Madness.

I also plan to go to China in October and look up me old mate Big Al. Hopefully I can pop in on the Dome as well in Honkers.

OH! I just went to the Cutty Sark for a top bit of Sunday lunch with Pants. Very good to see the old chap! Getting married don't you know!

Right! Chores call!

Mary is coming and I think I'm coming too

Wednesday morning!
Well! It must be said, I am crap at getting up but this takes the biscuit.
I awake at 6:15 to a strange sound. A weird cawing noise. I presume it's a fox and look out my open window.

What do I see? Nothing.

I look down. Nothing (well a pigeon flying away)

I look left. Nothing.

I look right. There's a fucking magpie sitting on me windowsill tapping his beak on the window!!

I went to take a photo (for here) and the bastard legs it. Well flew anyway.

So I go for a wee and go back to bed. Snore away switch of me alarm and wake up at 8:15!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

15 mins to get ready!!!

NOW, you must bear in mind I have a set getting ready for work routine:

1. feed The Bear
2. change The Bear's water
3. empty The Bear's pooh tray
4. put the iron on
5. pour out juice
6. get cod liver oil
7. make breakfast (usually cereal or toast)
8. iron shirt
9. eat brekkers and drink juice
10. go for a pooh and stroke The Bear
11. put shower on
12. Shave
13. shower (this takes fifteen minutes as I am a freak)
14. get changed
15. leave flat

This takes me from 7:00 when I wake up to 8:20 when I leave. Allow 20 mins for me to leave bed too.

So! As you can imagine! Having 5 mins to get ready was a test.

First of all I decided I'd leave at 8:30 to give me time.

I miss 5,6,7,9 and 12.

Somehow I made in to work on time.

Now tell me, does this mean I should stay in bed longer OR that I should get to work earlier OR that I am going to die because a magpie on the windowsill is a sign of doom!?

Where the dewdrops cry and the cats miaow.....

Ah! What a lovely weekend. Took an extra Monday off to make it that bit longer. Friday night had significant beers in the Wharf and then had a kebab on't way home (there seems to be a run of bad food this weekend).

Saturday day morning I took my ex (we'll call her Jitler) for breakfast. She was giving me a right load of shit aboot having a new lass. She has a point though, we have only been apart for 9 months! AND the fact that she is pregnant off another man is of no bearing.

I then had the kind help of Angry Drunk to take most of her remaining stuff over to her flat. Several back breaking journeys later I drove off, late, to pick up me lass. She was understandably a bit eggy, but I presuaded her to come.

We then spent 2 hours struggling through the centre of London trying to get to Reading. This was exacerbated by almost running out of petrol. Why is there never a garage when you need one, but millions when you don't?

It was ace to see my good mates, Big Nosed Cornish and The Minkster and their little ones (Everyone of my age group has kids now. Well, except Mank).

We also quaffed wine well into the night.

Anywhichway. If you're in Reading what should you do?

VISIT 'HENGE!!!!!

And so we did:

Some people will have you believe it's dull, but I think it's awesome. We paid to get in and had a good wander round. It was a lovely day and you could feel its power.
That's the blood stone in front. Anyway, it was excellent. Especially having one of them daft listening things stuck to your ear on the way round. My first one was spanish. I mean do I look Spanish? Nope. To tall and too blond.

So! We'd been to Stonehenge, what next? WELL! What's this I spy on the map?...... Woodhenge! Stonehenge's cheaper less impressive brother.

And less impressive it was:

More like concretehenge to be honest as all the wood piles were replaced. If you look very closely you can see me lass striking a pose on a leyline right in the centre.

OK we've done the 'Henges. So let's go and see a chalk horse I've spotted on me 1997 road atlas. And so we did, no road signs to it at all, but we found it:

Impressive eh? We had an ice cream here and also saw a model airplane crash.

What an awesome weekend, Monday all we did was sleep and get hassled by Jitler. I took round the last of her stuff. I got me keys back.

I'M FREE!!!!!

FREE I TELL YOU!!!!

***************CHEESE UPDATE******************

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Babybel is now available in new varieties, including mild cheddar and gouda.

http://www.thelaughingcow.com/lc/lc.nsf/ProductsL2-MiniBabyBel?openpage

Good news for cheese lovers!

Especially those that like their cheese tasteless with added rubber!

Bernard Cribbins in violent assault shocker.....

A note from my mates the Freds. Apparently they got into a bit of bother in Moscow.

Hi XXXXXXXXXXXX,
THE MOSCOW INCIDENT (28-05-2007)
As we know alot of you have seen us on the news and in the press being beaten and attacked by Neo-Nazis in Moscow. We thought we should write a few lines to add our perspective to these bizarre events.
We flew into Moscow on Saturday May 26th for a show that evening.After we had checked into our hotel Richard and i had dinner and people watched in Red Square while the sun slowly set.We were amazed by how many gay couples we saw holding hands and openly expressing their sexuality.Wow we thought "Moscow's changed"..........................
The following morning we had arranged to have lunch with the local promoter, his wife and their 7 year old daughter.We were going to have lunch in Red Square but it was closed due to a demonstration.There were a large amount of Police and soldiers on the street but this is Russia so we thought nothing of it.At this point the promoter received a phone call from friends of his who were at a "Civil Liberties/Freedom of speech" rally and they invited us down.Richard and i weren't aware this was a Gay Pride demo and that it had been denied a licence by the Moscow authorities. We aren't big on public rallies particularly illegal ones and prefer to show our support for "sexual tolerance" etc etc in other ways. However we were assured that it seemed safe and the main purpose of this demo was to hand in a petition to the Mayor and that Tatu (a popular Russian girl group) were also performing so we felt ok about going along.
When we arrived it was a very small affair with a massive police presence and alot of international press,the Neo-Nazis were singing and doing interviews.The moment Richard and i left our vehicle the international press recognised us and immediately all the attention went from the Neo-Nazis to us.......oh joy!
We started to do some interviews but were very uncomfortable and could feel the tension rising, at this stage there was just alot of shouting and pushing. Richard and i tried to move away but the police wouldn't let us, in a heartbeat a guy had pushed through the wall of press and punched Richard in the face, as we both tried to move away again the Police pushed us back into the fray. Richard was struck 3 or 4 more times in the face, i was kicked and punched in the body, a policeman at one point actually restrained me while i was being hit.The guy hitting Richard had a crucifix in his left hand and was punching with his right.......Now there's an image!!! to It soon dawned on us that we were on our own so i grabbed Richard's arm and shouted "we're getting the f**k out of here" we pushed through the police line and the just legged it for all we're worth. What followed was like a scene from a Benny Hill sketch. We were being chased by the Neo-Nazis who were being chased by the press who were being chased(i use the term loosely) by the Police. Luckily we're quite fit but after a few blocks they caught us and we were attacked again, this time there were 2 policeman having a tea-break who were sympathetic to our situation and got involved,they arrested one of the attackers and protected us until our vehicle and promoter found us.
We found sanctuary in a very quiet restaurant where we attended to our wounds drunk some wine and tried to get our heads round what had just happened.
Although this was a very scary ordeal it's important to for us to say that on previous trips we have been lucky enough to meet alot of friendly, funny and compassionate people in Moscow and Russia.
We'd like to thank you all for the thousands of good will messages,we really appreciate your concern.Richard's been very sore for a couple of days but his cuts and bruises and mine are healing fast, alot faster than the deeper and more worrying wounds that fester inside the heads of those who attacked us and of those who were happy to watch and let it happen.
Love and Peace
RSF XX