Growing up as a lesbian punk rocker in the middle of America's bible belt is quite a challenge...

I left my Skype open all day today and was happy to get two messages.

The first was truly pleasing:

Hello :). My name is Janusz. My friends in other countries coll me "John". I am from Poland. I have an international collection of spoons. Not normal spoons of course, but special decorated tea spoons, from many diffrent countries. I have now about 60 spoons. Till today I have not spoon from Lichtenstein. If you have a posibility to get such a souvenir spoon from your country, and send me to Poland, I will be really very happy. I don't need this for free, I can send you than money, or also som souvenir from Poland, if you want. This spoon you can find in souvenir market, traffik market, newspapeer market, on trainstation, airport etc. The spoon has a decorated motiv, picture, emblem, inscription, typical for the place, city or country. If it is possible, give me please an answer. Kind regards and many greetings - Janusz from Poland.

I would love to help him! Sadly I cannot. If anyone else has the relevant spoon I will put you in touch. What a lovely polite man.

Even better I got a message from Nat. She's still alive! HURRAH!

Is it really dark outside or is it me? This whole winter thing is bogus.

Anyway! It is coming up to halloween. So being a festive kind of guy (actually, all the top managers in my team were ordered to do one for our team meeting - did I not say he was a fascist?) I made a pumpkin lamp! I my youth back home we used turnips! When I told the team this I was roundly mocked. Anyway here he is:

Brrrrrrrrrrr!

Sadly the pumpkin soup I made from his insides was quite watery and bland!

Downward to the Earth

Ah! Sunday. You can't beat knowing that it's back to work tomorrow. Extra hours sleep last night, although I was awoken by my ex wanting me to take her to Bluewater. Imagine my delight!

Monument Valley to Grand Canyon to Las Vegas

Sadly we had to leave Monument Valley (cos I totally loved it) and we got back in the wee planes.

If you look closely above you can see 'the totem pole' a very long thin spire featured in the Eiger Sanction with Clint Eastwood. Too be honest it actually isn't that rock but it is as impressive.

At this stage the pilot realised that the storm ahead (there were frequent bursts of lightning) was too much for the small planes so we had to turn back! He didn't tell us this but I noticed the fact that we were heading back towards Momument Valley. We spent the rest of the the flight running ahead of and around big storms. I have to say old Spunky was sweating.

One of my last views of the Mojave desert.

Getting back to Las Vegas, this where they keep their B52s, tankbusters and fighters. A fair few for the middle of nowhere.
We got to the airport and then got a bus to the real airport and picked up a big old Chevrolet to set on our drive to and across California. Leaving Las Vegas I couldn't help but be impressed by this sign showing some budding entrepreneurs work in the line of poo.

And we were off. Off into the desert! Next stop Death Valley.....

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism it's just the opposite.

Thanks to JK Galbraith (deceased) for the title.

From Grand Canyon to Monument Valley

Approaching Monument Valley. El Capitan is ahead, the only volcanic point in the area.

I thought Bryce Canyon airport was small, but this one beat it. All it was was a tarmac square with a wooden fence. The runway was just a dusty track!

First stop was at Gouldings resort. He was the bloke who brought the westerns to Monument Valley and this place was an indian trading post. We were treated to Navajo Tacoes, which looked like a circular naan bread full of chilli, tomato and onions. Very filling and served by plump squaws.

Looking from the airport I got my first view of the mesas and buttes. I was so excited I was clapping my hands like an infant.

From Gouldings we were picked up by our bus. An ancient thing with no windows. It's so warm and dry theres no need for windows. Ever! We drove across the desert to the visitors centre and set off on the route round the park on dusty tracks often so steep the bus had no right to make it up them. The above picture was my first clear view, with the left and right mittens clearly visible.

A cowboy sitting on his horse on a promontary. In fact he was actually an indian. Either way he looks cool as fuck. Such an awesome place it was all orange. I could live there it is so breathtaking.

I can honestly say this is the best place I've ever been. I loved it. But sadly we had to go back to the plane to fly back to the Grand Canyon.

Marmalade, I like marmalade.....

Spunky's Non-psychadelic Breakfast

Saturday morning and old Trunks was awoken by Angry Drunk a buzzin' at the door. A quick pop down to the bakery for some bread and the Guardian and the above was cooked up.

4 rashers smoked bacon

2 goose eggs

2 slices toast

full tin of peeled plum tomatoes

1 glass freshly squeezed orange juice (with bits)

spot on

Here is a picture I took on the way up to see mum last weekend. I'd just come out of traffic on the M6 and saw all the Mookies trolling across the bridge and thought it was an excellent juxtaposition. (whatever that means).

This is where 'The Bear' sits when I'm 'puting. It's all very sweet until she decides she wants to play 'fight and bite'.
And finally. Why do lasses always leave something behind in your flat?

Wanna Fly to a Place Where it's Just You and Me....

The Grand Canyon

A short flight over the desert from Bryce canyon and we were in the Grand Canyon. It was just like a great big forest until you got to the and an then the above was our fiest view.
It was just awesome walking along the rim (rim! Huh huh huh uh huhh huhh!) looking at the sheer immensity of it all.
I snapped of loads of shots (in fact I took aboot 800 on the whole holiday - oh the joy of digital cameras)
We popped back for sunset and the ranges of colours and views were breathtaking.
Well worth the horror of nipping around in little planes. I must say T did an awesome job organising it all (bless her little heart). I mean I'd never planned to go to the US but Big Al selfishly decided to get married in Las Vegas. Then T started to plan. I did do a thing but when I saw what was near Las Vegas I said that we had to go to Monument Valley and the Grand Canyon etc. Thank goodness I did because it was amazing. Mind you it did cost me over 4 grand! She doesn't believe in the budget hotel.

Nearly sundown and everything is brown or purple. Time to go back to the little lodge in the middle of the forest. It was fantastic being soemwhere where it is genuinely dark at night. Here in London the sky is kind of dark yellowy blue. Not the black it should be. In fact when we got to Yosemite I saw the milky way for the first time in my short memory. That was later though. Time for bed and then the next day......

Back on the tiny plane:

We were on the back seat! Loads of leg room for me!

Her eyes when she's smiling, could never reach home.

Right I was tagged and feel I ought to do it.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag five people

He minored in Russian at the university of Oklahomo and – at last – studied in St Petersburg and talked aboot…………ah fuck this it’s boring. He’s some nobhound who writes for lonely planet in the Eastern Europe edition.

I can't be fucked to tag anyone else either.

Sorry.

On a lighter note old Trunky has very sore stomach muscles.

What have I been up to......

Her touch would be tender, her kiss would be warm, but when we're together, I'm always alone.

Bryce Canyon to Grand Canyon

Lordy I'm slow at this. Two reasons for this:
1) Blogger is a piece of poo and loves to fuck me up mid post
2) I was away at the folks this weekend seeing Mummy Trunks (she's not much better to be fair but I'm convincing myself there's a glimmer)

Reet:













I'm not the best at flying, especially in a wee plane that feels every breeze, but the scenery we flew over was spectacular. I think the above is the painted desert. We went over it twice at different times in the days and the variation in colour is amazing.



















This is a fault line caused by the join in tectonic plates which meet at the edge of California.


















The Colorado river cutting a deep gorge. We were getting near the Grand Canyon........

When I'm alone beneath the stars and feeling insignificant

After a break up Trunky must smoke!

I haven't had a cigarette for 4 years but I had these babies hidden in the bookcase:
















I smoked them when I was in Slovakia. And very nice they are too.

But now they are finished I will smoke no more.

I have a new culinary technique. At the end of cooking chilli bang in a bottle of beer.

I'll tell you how it comes out.

No one knew who they were, or what they were doing...

After the short flight we arrived in Bryce Canyon.

AND it was awesome. I have never seen anything like it. This was why I came to America, not to see the product of cultural stagnation. This is nature doing what it does best. Enough of my rabbiting, suffice to say it was cool.














My first picture on arriving there, bright green contrasting with the pale pinks.


















A tree killed by lightning. Loads of trees get hit here every year. Most just lose the top. This one took a big one.


















A great example of a 'Hoodoo' the softer rock underneath the cap wearing away more rapidly over time.














Millions of them! Awesome. The area was huge and totally stunning.














Unbelievably pink too, I'm not normally a pink fan (honest) but this was top.














Just when I can be anymore impressed! A chipmunk!













And then back to the airport for our flight to Grand Canyon. Small eh? There was even smaller to come.

But it's home to us, in the deepest jungle!

Well as a single Trunks now I have more time to see things.

My friend 'the Hammer' brought this to my attention:







http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wGR4-SeuJ0

Enjoy the trials and tribulations of Chad Vader!

There are 4 episodes. The latest on Splu.net

top comedy.

I think aboot it all I get caught up in my life....

Flying to Bryce Canyon:

First of all we flew over the Hoover Dam. It looked like was made of concrete, not hoovers at all. Impressive but cheating. Maybe they ran out of hoovers and they're at the bottom.















I love the way the plateau just crumbles away in this one:















Giving me a digital camera is madness as I will snap away all day:















Zion national park looked impressive too. Me saw no lion though.















Bedtime for Spunky!

Cut my wrist on a bad thought, and head for the door.....

Right! I promised myself I would get around to writing aboot my holiday to the US eventually and here it is.

[Fuck this is hard work. What is the problem with blogger and downloading photos today???]

As I am nursing a hangover and home alone waiting for the baked potatoes it seems like a good time.

The first exciting thing I saw was my first ever iceberg. I thought it was a ship at first but even from 30,000 feet it looked huge and white. To small to photograph from that height though. (and I hadn’t gone photo crazy by then (I ended up taking aboot 700 photes).

Next was Greenland. Totally completely awesome. We were lucky in that the weather was totally clear but the glacier paths are amazing. You can see each glacier as it joins and merges with other ice flows with dark lines of debris separating them. I’d loved to go there rather than fly over. It just looks like a place where no one has ever been.












Greenland coastline. All black mountains, snow and ice flows.














Glacial flows joining together to form a greater whole

We then flew over the dazzling white landscape. Which was a bit dull until there was a patch of bright blue lakes in the middle of nowhere. Why aren’t they frozen?













Bright blue lakes in the middle of Greenland, otherwise nothing but a white dazzling landscape.

I got to enjoy the in-flight entertainment of ‘The Hedge’ and ‘Ice Age II’ then. I wouldn’t bother looking them up.

I have to say the Americans don’t deserve such an amazing country (no offence) it is totally incredible and the sheer variation of scenery flying over it is awesome.

Finally we got to Las Vegas (which looks ridiculous in the middle of a desert with all it’s sprawl and golf courses) and a taxi to the Bellagio hotel where we were staying. Very impressive from the outside, piece of poo from the inside. I mean it’s clean and plush and all that. BUT despite having the longest check in desk I’ve ever seen, you still had a three deep queue at every desk. This place is meant to be posh.














The Bellagio yesterday

Also in Vegas everywhere you go has slots. Everyfuckingwhere. At breakfast in the café, in every single hotel taking up the majority of the ground floor in most cases, even at every spot at the bar in the pub we went too.

We spent a few days looking around. It was really hot, but dry hot, a bit like standing in front of the fan oven. Not sweaty and thick like Singapore but hot and crisp. Walking up and down the strip is bobbins though. Oh look a hotel! This one has lions! This one has tigers! Oh another copy of something from Europe with genuine cultural merit.













A lion in a hotel, trying to pretend the gawpers aren't there













A hotel made to look like New York, errrr well done. It's name? New York New York.













A hotel looking like a pyramid with a sphinx (this is my favourite one actually)

You may spot I wasn’t a fan.

Although good things did happen:

Big Al got married and I was best man. It was a very happy day as I honestly would’ve put cash on him being a single man for the rest of his life a few years ago. He’s a good man, but he is the king of the dull anecdote and not talented with ladies. It just shows what determination can achieve though. He always said he’d meet someone nice and he was right!













Inside a hotel, note the fake buildings and sky. Bizarre.

The stag do was great fun. We went to a Mexican where I sampled the joys of coca cola steak (I have to try things that are unusual!) it was ok if a little sweet. Following that Big Al kindly bought me a bouncy ball and we went to an English pub in the middle of nowhere to play darts. We met some young ladies there, two of which chatted me up, which was quite flattering as they were only 21. Mind you one of the was a bit of a hooner and the one I did fancy had a grim piercing on her chest! Fortunately for them Old Trunks was an attached man at that stage and kept it in his trousers.













View from the hotel window upon getting back from the stag do. Spot the Eiffel tower.

Well I think that’s aboot it. I wouldn’t go back there, it’s somewhere you have to go but not my kind of place.

It left me feeling a bit empty really. The main road had 8 lanes I just noticed! And it was always busy.

Next stop Grand Canyon!