Hallo Knut. Kleine eisbear!

Well, your man Spunky is back from Berlin and celebrating Freddie's forthcoming wedding.

I'm best man and I got the flights, accommodation and stag shirts (quality fully printed polo shirts with logo, number on back and arm AND name) for under £100 per head!

Do I sound like I'm proud of myself? I am!

Anyhoo! One of the reasons it was cheap was cos I book us into a gayhostel, it was awesome! Lovely big room and the owner was a star. I can highly recommend it:

http://www.gaybed.de/

A few of the guys were a little worried, but it was top.

SO! We wanted to see the sights and what is the main sight in Berlin:

Knut!!! The little polar bear abandoned by his mum and sentenced to death by a leading naturalist! As you can see! He's no longer little or cute. Still a legend tho.

So! Next on the agenda was drinking and I'd found the perfect club on the internet:

Sadly this esteemed establishment was fucking shut! So we went to a snokey bar and then got turned away from a few lappies. (we'd already done karaoke, don't worry!)
So then it was Saturday and time for more sightseeing. We saw the Brandenburg Gate:And I took an arty photo on the way top the holocaust memorial (a cool concrete block maze):
We then went to Checkpoint Charlie:
(Just next to it was Snackpoint Charlie!)

So then we went out on the lash again and found the lappies the stag demanded. It was 50€ for a lapdance!!!! And being a cheap bastard (and clinically prude) I declined. Mind you it was 100€ for full sex. My man in Honkers will tell me if this is a good deal.

Ok, back to my cold......

Did you spill the milk? Did the milk spill?

It's 2008! My New Year's resolution? To work shorter hours. I mean fuck it, I get paid ok but life is too short to spend it all at work.

So.....what have I done lately? I mean it's only been 3 or 4 months since I wrote.

Well......

I went to San Marino. A very beautiful country.
Walked up to the beautiful castle and stayed the night inside.
Then we drove to Florence, and saw the Ponte Vecchio...
....and the awesome catherdral.
Then we drove to Pompei and saw this poor person frozen in the act of having a poo.

And then we drove to the Amalfi Coast and stayed in a beautiful 5 star hotel with this view from the balcony:

Awesome. And then we drove all the way across to the East coast then up and to the airport at Ancona. (We took the long route because of a bleeding lorry drivers strike).

And then home. Was awesome.

If you don't take chances you won't get hurt

Good evening my friends!

I am freshly back from footie where we took a terrible pounding. Very unusual. We did have a pedestrian playing though, and I turned me ankle. Still poo though.

AND on the way there I hit a car tire that some cunt had rolled into the road. Fortunately no major damage but I hope little shit that did it dies in pain.

Well! Where have I been? Scandinavia is the answer.

I fancied a bit of a solo trip and saw A-ha were playing in Norway and it seemed to good an opportunity to miss. I booled the flights a while ago. £3.99 to Haugesund and 7p out of Stockholm. It seemed a good idea to give meself a bit of a challenge to get from the west coast of Norway to the east coast of Sweden in 2 days.

Sadly I found out that driving a car all the way incurred a return charge of over £400.

That sent me back to the drawing board. I managed to hire a car to take me to Oslo. About a third of the way and decided to wing the rest.

I had no accomodation in Haugesund where A-ha were playing either so I booked meself into a B&B in Stavanger. Some way down the coast involving a lot of tunnels and ferry.

I met two A-ha fans at the airport (one who'd travelled all the way from Australia, somewhat trumping my pilgrimage) and drove them to town and then set off.

A lovely journey punctuated by huge tunnels under the estuaries, some of them taking 15 minutes to drive through and going deeper than any other tunnels in the world. In fact I think one is top 5 for length too.

Oh great! Blogger has decided to add loads of extra spaces! The pile of shite. Right. Sorted.

Stavanger was very pretty and made of wood:

The old town, Gamla Stan:

I'd toured it all by the end of the day so the next day I decided to take a trek. (the B&B did lovely sweet waffles in the evo and had an Evertonian manager!) So I set of in the car and drove towards Lysefjord. This involved a ferry across a fjord:

And then a 2 hour trek up the steepest, most difficult, most vertiginous climb I've ever made. It was worth it to get to here though. Preikeholen or Pulpit Rock:

Ratface certainly enjoyed the view:

I wish there could be mountains of time

Hello!

Sorry, I've been away on Scandotour 2007.

I saw the awesome A-ha.

As a quick highlight here is the longest note ever sung in a hit:

Quite impressive.

Great sound quality too.

Ah well not too bad for me little camera.

I got very wet in Haugesund that night.

I began writing down my trip to the US but go bored and forgot. Better finish off I suppose:

USA - San Francisco to LA

Still in SF we had to see the Golden Gate bridge, so we hired two bikes from Cannery Wharf. It was a fairly long ride and we decided not to take the ferry back because we knew we'd miss it.

Once back we had some clam chowder in a cob and viewed the sea lions at pier 39:
The next day, after we'd walked up and down all the hills and seen Nob Hill and all the other places we took a boat to Alcatraz:
Alcatraz was excellent, I sat on Al Capone's toilet.

We then took a streetcar home:
That evening we met Big Al and Nads and went the Castro (the gay area) for some big karaoke to celebrate me birthday. I did a rendition of Take On Me (to much acclaim)((comedy dancing rather than singing ability)). The next day we hit the road again and drove down the Californian coast to Cambria. There I saw this cheeky little fella:
After that we drove to Santa Barbara, very posh indeed, and had some excellent sushi and swam with a sea lion. And then we drove to LA for the final leg.....

And I'd go anywhere, yes I'd go anywhere....

Back to work and I really can't be arsed today. So here is a short video of a train going through the desert near Swakopmund in Namibia.

I was on my way back from sandboarding.

What the devils is the point of work eh? It's a mindkiller.

Don't you set those lonely eyes on me.

Yosemite to San Francisco

Off we trotted from Yosemite to wind our merry way to San Francisco (we had flowers in our hair don't worry).

Everything still looked really dry as we approached San Francisco and the roads go bigger and bigger. Most interesting sight on the way was this:

How many windmills is that!!!??? A lot! And the picture doesn't convey the true size!

First real sighting of the City was as we crossed a huge bridge (with an island in the middle)

I'm sure that's been in the odd film. Driving in was a mare! The street names are in the wrong direction. I thought we were doing well till I realised that what I thought was 5th street had changed to 11th via 6th, 7th, 8th etc. Also the one way system is carnage. I was navigating at this point and it was all my fault!

Our hotel was halfway up the hill between the Tenderloin and Union Square. Proximity to the Tenderloin gave some entertaining liasons with comedy drunks and mentalists. Getting to it was a mare though. Driving up preposterously steep hills avoiding street cars and getting lost in the one ways.

Once happily settled in, having been ignored by the rudest valet I've ever seen (he was too busy trying to flirt with an old lady). We set out for a quick explore. Just up the roads was where Francis Ford Coppola writes all his stuff (the interesting green building below) and the Transamerica Pyramid.

Alsdo this rather cool building covered in Jazz legends:

Our first sighting of the Coit Tower (you may hear aboot this later, note the shape!) There are so may steep hills it's a wanderers nightmare. Note at this point most of the holiday had been at temperatures of 40 to 50C it was now 15C.

We walk around Nob Hill (huh huh huh uh huh huh!) and Russian Hill and down, the alleged, crookedest street in the world. Very pretty and green and unlike anything else around:

From the top we had a pleasant view of the business district:

But this is my favourite photo of all:
I mean what kind of place has streets this steep! It's worse than Sheffield. Cool though. I was loving it already and we still had to go to the Wharf, Alcatraz, Golden Gate etc etc.....

Just got up today and my thoughts are miles away with you

Yosemite

Driving out from Death Valley was more desert, but getting a bit greener with plains full off scrubby little bushes (oooer).

Then I saw my first joshua tree! There were loads of them later on. Sadly their name has been sullied by tedious musical leviathans U2. But don't let this put you off, they are still cool (the trees not U2!).

We drove past a huge lake that is now a salt flat thanks to the excessive water demands of the west coast and then we started climbing towards Tioga Pass. We saw our first snow on the way (it was August). Tioga Pass is the eastern entrance to the Yosemite national park and is at a height of 10,000ft. Somewhat higher than anything in the UK. We pulled up just inside and had a sit by a lovely green meadow and lake.

It all felt very relaxing. We assumed we were nearly there when we pulled in at an information place, but we still had ages to go!!!

We gently worked our way down through tall trees and broad green meadows towards our goal. On the way we passed a small river and had a bit of a paddle.

Just before we reached Yosemite Village we passed El Capitan (our second of the trip) a great big rock face. If you look closely enough you can see climbers.

We got to our base and checked in. The dude on reception asked if we were 'bear aware'. I love that term, he said there are often bears in the car park at night. This led to me wandering around the car park in pitch black at midnight hoping to see one. Alas it was not to be. But I did see the Milky Way.

Outside our room we did see a Blue Jay though. Check the high hair on that mofo!

Next day we decided to go for a little bike ride around. Very relaxing and beautiful. We found a great big bear trap, a bit like sized up mouse one (not the neck breaking ones!!! surely that would be madness) it was like a skip.

We also saw a coyote wandering around. This one is easier to see. Can you spot it?

The highlight was a beautiful view of the most famous sight in Yosemite Half Dome:

A completely different experience to what was before but fantastic still.

This was definitely going to be a close run thing with the Far East for my best ever holiday.

Whilst we we showering and getting ready a squirrel snuck in and took a few bites out of my hershey bar! Only reason we knew was bite marks.

So it was back in the car and we set forth for San Francisco.

Summer moved on, and the way it went you can't tag along

What a horrible grey day!!!

However Pants had an interesting dream aboot Shakira last night:

"She was teaching me arc-welding whilst a walrus with a trumpet was slowly crushed between two sheets of toughened glass.
Then she ran her hand up my thigh and whispered in my ear:
'hoots mon Ive a ken to see yon walrus freed'
then i had to try and save the walrus in order to get a shag"

I thought I'd leave you with a sunbset from Borneo. You know I'm bloody lucky to have been the places I've been.

It's amazing how sometimes you don't appreciate it. Borneo was incredible.

That which passes, passes like clouds

Evening all! It's 5:30 pm on Sunday in Spunky Mansions and is dark outside. We have a bit of 'The Crimson' on the CD and all is relaxed.

It is most excellent to have a weekend at home for the first time in over a month.

Mind you, I have had the JP over this weekend so it was not as relaxing as it should have been!

Death Valley

After the joys of Utah and Arizona we were driving across Nevada to Death Valley. All desert to be honest which I found quite exciting.

The only really interesting event was getting to a T junction and not knowing which way to go. Fortunately there was a huge group of bikers on Harleys there. Finding the concept amusing I drove up, leant out and said in my poshest english accent (not very posh). 'Hello chaps. You wouldn't know the way to Death Valley would you?'

Turns out they were french! The knew the way though, and with a shouted 'Vive la Frnace' we were off again.

First place we got to was Zabriskie Point:

Now why Zabriskie point is famous I don't know. The only thing I know aboot it is that there is a movie named after it by Michelangelo Antonioni and also a Pink Floyd soundtrack.

It was cool though. Actually it wasn't, I climbed up to take that shot and it was 50C. The air leeched the moisture from your lungs.

So we drove on and put up at our hotel in Furnace Creek.

Once checked in we pooped down to Badwater, the lowest point in the US at 282ft below sea level:
Loads and loads of salt, very little water and very hot.

I ran up a hill and was shattered with a bad headache. Needed to drink pints of water. Very impressive though. We drove round to the Artists Pallet:So called because of all the different coloured minerals (mind you it all looks a bit khaki to me) and then on to the Devil's Golfcourse:

Why the heck he plays golf here and not at the immaculately kept course at our hotel I don't know. All those salt formations must make his fariway shots a bit tricky.

So, we go back to the hotel for a swim. Lovely outdoor pool. Expecting a nice cool refreshing dip after a hot day we were disapointed. It was like soup! I have never been in such a hot pool.

Back at the room we had a nice glass on wine on the porch and I spotted a coyote walk past:

If you look closely you can see him just to the left of the middle post. It's a poo picture and the reason I show it is because I flipped off me flip flops to run closer and ended up standing in a fire ants nest! I can tell you that that bloody hurt! I dashed back and ran my feet under the taps in the bathroom, shouting all the way (much to T's merriment). AND I didn't get a better photo!

Never dash aboot barefoot in the wilds of the US! It could've been a scorpion!

Next day we set off for Yosemite. Stopping on the way to look at the huge sand dunes near the Stovepipe Wells:

And off we drove. Ignoring the advice to turn off the air conditioning to avoid the car overheating.

Here I walk the streets without you as autumn fades away

Hello!

Old Trunks is in Vilnius today. A very nice place it is too.

Had a lunch of beef stew with a drink for aboot one pound fifty. Right in the centre of the old town.

We arrived late last night and wandered into a local bar (for local people) and it was 80p a pint. Big roaring log fire, lovely ladies. Just the job.

I also just beat Wee Man at Rummy 5 v 4 HUZZA!

Early start tomorrow to catch a train to Minsk.

Downward to the Earth

Ah! Sunday. You can't beat knowing that it's back to work tomorrow. Extra hours sleep last night, although I was awoken by my ex wanting me to take her to Bluewater. Imagine my delight!

Monument Valley to Grand Canyon to Las Vegas

Sadly we had to leave Monument Valley (cos I totally loved it) and we got back in the wee planes.

If you look closely above you can see 'the totem pole' a very long thin spire featured in the Eiger Sanction with Clint Eastwood. Too be honest it actually isn't that rock but it is as impressive.

At this stage the pilot realised that the storm ahead (there were frequent bursts of lightning) was too much for the small planes so we had to turn back! He didn't tell us this but I noticed the fact that we were heading back towards Momument Valley. We spent the rest of the the flight running ahead of and around big storms. I have to say old Spunky was sweating.

One of my last views of the Mojave desert.

Getting back to Las Vegas, this where they keep their B52s, tankbusters and fighters. A fair few for the middle of nowhere.
We got to the airport and then got a bus to the real airport and picked up a big old Chevrolet to set on our drive to and across California. Leaving Las Vegas I couldn't help but be impressed by this sign showing some budding entrepreneurs work in the line of poo.

And we were off. Off into the desert! Next stop Death Valley.....