Sunday, March 26, 2006

I wish you were her to see it!!!!

People Wot Look Like Me IV

14) Chesney Hawkes - At the height of his popularity people suggested I look like 'the one and only'. He doesn't look too bad in this photie. But trust me, he's a lumpy faced horror.












15) Blair from Eldorado - I got this form two mates we made skiing in Crans Montana. Do I really look like this??? Well, maybe so. Anyway, spookily, in a previous place of work by the Thames he became a barman in the local pub. Not being one to let comedy lie I went up to him and said 'I look like you'. Greatly to his credit the man said 'You should be so unlucky'.

So wherever you are Josh Nathan I hope you are doing well.

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I know a mouse, and he hasn't got a house, I don't know why I call him Gerald.

Apologies for no posts but corporate towers is keeping me too busy.

I'm working all hours as Joe 90 in his ineffable wisdom has decided I have to present on Friday morning.

Upsettingly this is the day after our work day out of the office.

Accordingly all my fun is ruined. No beers for Spunky.

Fooz challenge II has begun though with The Shield and Dome taking a forward role, Hethers and Lips at the rear. 3.2 Shield/Dome after winning 3 today.

I also once spent the night with a lady and decided her cat should be called Bernard.
I called her from a pay phone but we never met again.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

I have tried to succeed, everything I do is scaring me.




I am freshly back from one of my locals, the Pelton Arms. And guess who was playing there??? CORRECT!
The Fab two!
Now who are the Fab Two?
Well they appeared to be two plump middle aged blokes in mop top wigs playing moderately close Beatles covers.
Top comedy, in my East End manor it was all cheese and pineapple, pork pies and mini scotch eggs.

How cool do they look?

They even did the Beatle wobbly head stuff.

Fundamentally? Yeah they sucked.

Mind you I'm happily pissed so who cares.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

I paint my eyes with the cold night air

Well! It's Saturday and it's Everton vs Aston Villa, so my next post will be either happy or grumpy.

Sadly our oldest and youngest players are out for the rest of the season. Nigel Martyn, goalkeeping hero, is 39 and will be out of contract and may retire. Gutted. James Vaughn is only 17 and had a knackered knee. A nightmare, he was my great hope to be the next great forward.

RIGHT! Kick off time..............................

Oh! First, I had a dream last night that I was at our corporate self flagellation day and Spandau Ballet were playing!!!

...................................

Well! Half time and 3.0 up. I didn't expect that.

It's freezing here. It's supposed to be spring! Came home last night after a few beers with Pants and went for a kebab. Ah! The sheer unhealthiness of it. But you know what??? They forgot the chilli sauce! Outrage.

Anyone else get a worse hangover because of kebabs? I can get one even if I don't drink.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Dude.......I totally broke a rock!

Ah! The week nearly over.

Well, you'll all be saddened to know my jury service is over. After only 1 week and 2 days!!! How gutted was I when I was told?

Back to work at corporate towers forthwith! Only to find out I am facilitating at the yearly "Wahey in't it brilliant working for an evil corporation!" event. I was positively ecstatic at the news.

400 people crammed into a hotel so that they can be told how they should have more fun, put the customer of the centre of things and work better as a team. This against a background of imminent redundancies, unrealistic sales targets and a divisive pay system that only rewards the bumlickers/self promoters.

How soon can I afford that escape to Slovenia?

Anyway.....Jury service, what a waste of time. You wait around in a cold room all day waiting on the off chance of being called. Of course you are sitting, by definition, with a 'cross section of society'. Now if I wanted to sit with the sort of people who are prevalant in said cross section I'd go to bingo or live in Plumstead.

Anyway it gave me the chance to win at 'cheat' and beat a hypnotist at chess (well i thought I did, maybe he wanted me to think that).

I get called right at the end of day one (well 3 ish). March into court only to find out it's kiddie porn. Imagine how pleased I am. 4 days of finding out about filth! At this stage we are sent home to allow the prosecution to 'prepare'.

After a tense nights sleep we troop into court nice and early (10:30 judges need naps!) and are relieved to find the evidence file we receive is free (mostly) of filth. Unfortunately we then sit down to a whole day of inept prosecution. The next day? We get a whole day of the defence taking apart prosecution. Day 3, expecting the defence but it's not needed as the prosecution realise how crap they are and give up. What a disappointment. Fortunately looking at the whole case I think it was the correct decision. It was more a case of stupidity than evil.

So, what was next?

A load of waiting around. I finished 'Are you Dave Gorman' (don't bother, it's not worthy of being a best seller. I've read better detergent labels) and did a few crosswords.

So here I am.

AND today the marathon journey that was the Fooz competition between the Shield/Hethers and the Dome/Lips finally came to fruition.....

Oh the excitement.

When we left it, it was 23.22 to Hethers/Shield with them 1.0 up in the first game of the 46th set. The Shield departing in the expectation of adminstering justice, Hethers to stick a couple of planks on his feet.

The momentum was all Lips/Dome, The Domes incessant banal chanting replaced with steely blocking and vapid concentration. Lips had become a new man, almost robbing The Shield of his hard won name and with a thunderbolt shot to boot.

Game one was close but went to Lips/Dome. Game two was even closer...all the way down to a play off as it hit 9.9 would it have the same end as so many recent games? This was a huge few points. It could be 23 all and the Sun Lik surely heading down Domes bull neck OR 24.22 giving the rapidly fading former gladiators Hethers/Shield their confidence back.

A flukey goal!!!!

And for once to the Shield and Hethers.

The momentum was gone, heads dropped and the final set was a formality. The final game of the final set being the biggest win of recent years. The Shield even weighed in with his rarely hit SLA of two goals.

So we're off to the Sun Lik den to claim our prize. You'll hear all of that later.

BUT in the end........Sport was the winner.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Like a game of pick-up-sticks, played by fucking lunatics

Apologies for the lack of postings recently. Trunks is at a pivotal stage in his life.

I am also on jury service, which is proving to be a tense and unrewarding experience.

Mind you the lie ins are good.

But the return to corporate towers looms on the horizon...........

Brrrrrrrr

In the News:

Savo Milosevic is dead. Saviour of the serbs or evil ethnic cleanser? Or somewhere in the middle? [See what jury service does to you!!!!]

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I don't even know you, we only met once.

Do you know they're planning to cull 100,000 badgers???!!!!

That's 1/3 the population.

It must be stopped!

On a more cullworthy note:

On the way home from jury service today (more detail to follow) a family gets on the bus. A very fat family. A very fat young family. Bad diet I hear you cry! Well, that and the fact that they had waited to catch a bus one stop of aboot 100 yards! I despair.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Cruel: Under the helmet a cricket

I was doing so well! It's been a busy few days though:

Dreams

1) I dreamt a former corporate tosspot, whom we shall call 'IDS' (famous for matt bald head, smelly hands, being like a barnacle at social event, starting fights, starting fights with lasses and generally being unpopular (hey! he wasn't all that bad)) was at some different workplace with me and he wanted to talk to me in private. We went off to a separate room, commented on his new hair transplant (it was bushy man!), he then went on to destroy the work postage stamps!

2) I dreamt aboot this annoying cat that was a bit evil. It kept scratching me nastily. So when it came in through the catflap I sprayed deep heat all over it. It limped back out with a pitiful little 'ow' every step. I woke up feeling dead guilty. (they were such sweet little 'ows')

3) Dammit! I've forgotten last nights. Ah well more cheese needed tonight.

So what's been happening to old Trunk? Saturday I went the footie and met up with Ian Marshall's Double, The Mekon, Cockney Neighbour and Lord Longhshanks. Not my usual crowd, but a good crowd.

Beers were had at the Hamilton Hall in Liverpool Street (a haunt of mine for illicit liasons many years ago) and then on to Upton Park. Took a while to get in as the only have four turnstiles for us away fans, but we were treated to a few renditons of Z-cars by some old cove on a recorder.

Well.... we looked rubbish at first, conceded one and that set us off. Quick reply one all, that shut up the bunch of tosspots in the corner who don't watch the match, but watch the opposition fans and make gestures. I feel sorry for these losers, I fear the have been bullied by their mums.

Anyhoo, game on! Then the Hammers break away and it's 2.1.... spirits sink. Half time we queue (and watch the scallies theiving (do the vendors never learn?)) for 3 pints of piss (and it is piss, Carlsberg, no wonder they sponsor Liverpool). It was a struggle to finish.

Back up after the break. We're on fire! All over them, but it looked like the goal would never come and then Beats does a majestic finish to level.

We then had a manic but ultimately disappointing last 20 mins as we peppered the goal but failed to score. Ah well, gotta be happy with the point.

Only low point was a few of our fans singing 'Town full of P***s', this very brief rendition stoped rapidly as almost the whole crowd of blues turned on them. Berating them for the sad racists they are. Mekon was especially amusing in his shout of "shut up you white fat baldy prick" as he is bald as a coot. Reminded me of evenings driving round St'Helens and getting 'Pixie' to shout 'Four eyes' at people despite wearing his black NHS specs.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Take the skinheads bowling.

Well, old Trunks is back after two days facilitating what I'll call a 'knowing your customer' propostion development workshop. Thrillsville 2006. It was actually ok, but you know even my best day at work I'd rather be at home.

Fortunately my very talented team member the Hamster ran most of it and did a sterling job. I just butted in occasionally and looked moderately attractive.

Lots of very senior meetings going on in big rooms with blinds drawn at the moment! Brrrrrr! Better start warming up my CV.

Another night another dream:

I turned round because I heard a plane flying really low, this passenger jet is just above ground and lands on the fields opposite me. It goes buzzing across and under a bridge (this was a BIG bridge so why it was in the middle of all these lovely green field I don't know). This obviously knocks the planes wings off and it comes to a halt.

Doors open and who should be out of the plane first? None other than Corporate High desperate career girl 'Miss Plums' (renowned for running aboot the office and being serious in an attempt to appear important).

Anyway, I go running in to help people off, aware that there is aviation fuel everywhere (to be fair - how real is this! - I pause and think 'shit I could be killed here' but still rush in (would I do this in real life? Who knows)). I'm telling people to hurry out cos of all the fuel and there's some dick trying to rescue his luggage.

So I'm inside and there's this old couple, I know I haven't got much time and they don't want to be saved. So I save this middle aged fella who's asleep and everyone has abandoned (he must be a deep sleeper).

I get him out and then out of nowhere my old pal Hethers (whom in reality here I have just come back from being in the pub with (curry club at wetherspoons, curry + pint only £5!)) , so we rush back and rescue the old fools just as we hear one of the engines aboot to blow up.

Believe me that dream is less exciting in the relating!

OH! We had an exercise in my workshop to break the ice where you had to draw what animal you were. I drew a grizzly bear (which looked like a Yeti, and would've been a praying mantis if I'd been able to draw one), most other people were cats, dogs or birds. No goats!!!! There was one pig but you'd expect some originality!

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Which way is Mecca, Which way is Mecca, Which way is Mecca

People Wot Look Like Me - III
11) David Walliams - Well he doesn't look too bad in this photo, but I can't say I'm happy with the whole campness thing. Thanks to the Pink Fairy for this, she insists I look like him, and normally she's so nice to me.







12) Jeff Bridges - My old work mate Mosschops swears I am the spit of this fella. Mind you he looks like an old ginger Jamie Oliver. I'm not to upset by this one, lacks character though.

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